Time of Innocence aka Smiling Back V
by RogueAngel
Summary: Danny and Grace have grown up...and now they have some questions about themselvs and their parents that need to be answered. Chapters 1-9 edited. Chapter 13 is up.....
1. Default Chapter

Time of Innocence  
(aka Smiling Back V)  
by RogueAngel  
rogueangel1998@yahoo.com  
  
Rate PG - so far  
Summary: A continuation of the Smiling Back universe. Danny and Grace have grown up. They happen to meet an interesting character who starts them asking some pretty serious questions about themselves and their parents.  
  
Chapter 1  
  
I didn't really want to be there that day. Well, I guess I did. I would have done anything to get away from the farm after the week I had had, but once I got to Tildy's it wasn't as much of a relief as I had hoped. I just wasn't in the mood to be as.... happy.... as everyone else in the shop. Grace was at her perky best, laughing with her friends, her green eyes sparkling as she tossed her pony tail over her shoulder - a move she had learned from some movie, I'm sure, because I never saw mom or Aunt Kate do it.   
  
She had changed in the past months and I wasn't really happy about it. On the farm she was still the same old Grace; helping out on the plane and watching over her brothers and sister. It was at school or in town that I really noticed the difference. I was just a lowly freshman, but I could see how the social structure worked at Shelby High, and Grace was definitely on her way up. She may have been practically my sister, but I did realize that she was a very pretty girl, as did most of the other guys in school, unfortunately. She was getting sucked up into the social whirlwind of high school and I had the sinking feeling that I was loosing her.  
  
Up until recently we would still meet at the clearing after dinner, at least when the weather was good. It was just our time; we had done it for as long as I could remember, but not any more, or at least not as regularly. She said it was because of all the homework she had...her being a sophomore and all. Well, I had homework, too, and it didn't keep me that busy. All she could think about and talk about was Thomas McKellar, so it was just as well she didn't meet me because I was getting tired of talking about him. He's the whole reason we were at Tildy's that day. The day that set my world reeling on it's axis.   
  
Earlier that day I had happened to mention that Thomas might be going to the movies and Grace suddenly decided that we had to go to town. She was like that. Once she got an idea, she was off to the races with it. I actually admired her for it. I was much too cautious to just act on an idea. I liked to think things through.   
  
It didn't take much to convince her mom and dad that it would be a good break for her. There had been a slight wrinkle when they said she had to take Matty and Drew, she hadn't planned on that, but Grace was always a clever girl. She talked my mom into letting me come too - on the pretense that I was so unhappy that a soda might cheer me up. Well, I was unhappy, but the soda didn't do a thing for me except make me want to burp. It didn't matter to Grace though, since I then became the unofficial babysitter of the terrible two. I told you Grace was clever.  
  
So, there I was, sitting and staring at myself in the big mirror behind the counter, a blob of brown in a sea of colors and chrome. Brown hair, brown eyes, brown shirt - even my mood was brown. Grace was practically blinding next to me in her new pink dress that she had just from her Aunt Julianna, all the way from New York. All the other girls were dressed up nicely too; their Mary Janes polished to a shine, their bobby socks turned down just so, their dresses, skirts and blouses a rainbow of pastels. The guys weren't too shabby either...though there weren't nearly as many of them, but they were definitely doing their best to impress with their slicked back hair and starched bowling shirts. Personally, I never bothered with my hair, no matter how much cream I added to it, it always ended up in my eyes - and that stuff really stings.  
  
'A Whole Lot of Shakin' Going On' came on the juke box, and I could see Grace's feet start taping to the music. She was one of the few girls who didn't care for Pat Boone or Johnny Mathis, but put on something fast - like Elvis, Jerry Lee Lewis, or Fats Domino, and the girl could dance all night. Too bad I didn't have any nickels. There was an outside chance that if the music got too mellow she might decide to leave.  
  
"Grace, can we go now?" I asked, deliberately putting a bit of a whine into my voice, just to annoy her. "I want to get home and see if I can take the plane up." I added, though there was very little chance of that happening. My dad was still royally mad at me. I had taken the plane out two Saturdays ago and I.... well, I was practicing some barrel rolls and flips, which I wasn't supposed to do without either him or my uncle in the plane with me, and the engine stalled. I had it under control. I really did. I didn't panic and I did exactly what they taught me and it worked...on, like, the fourth try.   
  
By the time I landed I was pretty damn proud of myself. My parents didn't look too happy, though. Actually, I have never seen my dad as mad as he was then. Not even when Max Jenkins ran down 12 rows of corn one night after the Halloween party in town. His face was bright red as he ran up to me, my uncle right behind him, his face extremely white in contrast. I looked behind them to see my mother standing on the back porch, sobbing in my Aunt Kate's arms. That's when I started feeling a bit bad.  
  
I hadn't thought.... well, as my dad pointed out quite forcefully, I hadn't thought at all... but he gave me plenty of time to do so. Grounded, no flying, for two weeks at least, and lots of extra chores. He didn't speak to me for two whole days after that and even then it was mostly grunts and directives; 'do this,' and 'do that'.   
  
I honest don't think he could have spoken if he wanted to. Each time he saw me his face would turn red and his mouth would open and close like a landed fish. I could tell that he was trying to keep his temper from exploding, and I was grateful for that. I talked a bit with my Uncle Danny, Grace's dad. He didn't have much to say except that I scared everybody to death and that I should let my dad cool down a bit more before I tried to apologize for being so stupid. I knew good advice when I heard it, so I just laid low and did my chores... I just thought he would have cooled down by now.  
  
Grace swiveled on her stool, her eyes still sparkling at some piece of gossip she had just heard. She shook her head impatiently, the smile leaving her face as she looked at me. Well, at least I had succeeded in annoying her. "Not yet. You said Thomas was going to the early show and then coming here. The movie just let out five minutes ago," she explained to me, as if I didn't know why we were still here. Her eyes were eagerly scanning each new customer in the mirror as they came into the shop. I began to get that feeling in my stomach again. That feeling that made me wonder whatever happened to Grace, my best friend. The Grace who could climb trees and hit a ball over the barn. That Grace wasn't around much any more, and I didn't understand this new one at all. What had happened to my best friend?   
  
"Besides," she nodded over at her brothers by the comics, "Matty and Drew are happy."   
  
I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily, resting my chin on my hand. "They're always happy when the new issues are out." I tried to look my saddest, hoping for an ounce of sympathy from her. "Besides, I said Thomas might be going to the early show and that he might be coming here afterwards." She didn't even look at me, so I gave up on the puppy dog look. "I don't know what you see in that guy," I mumbled, staring into my empty soda. That look used to always work with her, but not anymore, obviously. She had other things on her mind, namely Thomas McKellar, and she no longer had any time to waste on me.  
  
"Quit whining," she teased, her eyes sparking momentarily at me. For a moment I felt our connection again. She was back to being my friend, and not some flighty girl. But it soon passed as the front bell dinged and another customer entered, her eyes leaving mine to see who. "You sound just like Matty. At least I bought you a soda."  
  
"Well, I'm finished," I pointed out unnecessarily, annoyed that she couldn't spare me five seconds of her time.  
  
"Well, I'm not," she snapped back, swiveling all the way around on her chair so that she could watch the front door, her elbows resting on the counter behind her. She smiled brightly at a passing boy and I could tell exactly what he was thinking. Her new position showed off her...uh, well, feminine attributes...and if I noticed then you can bet the other guys did too. I swear, in the space of a school year she became one of the girls she and I used to laugh about. "I don't know why you think you can fly today. Uncle Rafe said you were grounded until next weekend - at least. No flying at all."  
  
She was sounding all superior, like she was so much older than me and I was one of her little brothers. I always hated it when she did that. It was a habit of hers, though. She was only 8 months older, but you would think it was 8 years the way she talked to me sometimes. And this wasn't something new. She had always been like that. I had just learned to live with it.  
  
"I was hoping that he might have cooled down a bit, or maybe Uncle Danny could take me up...." I defended myself. I knew it was a long shot, and I knew that Grace knew it too, but a guy's got to have hope, right?  
  
Grace snorted, sounding decidedly inelegant. "Daddy isn't going to take you up unless Uncle Rafe says it's okay, and you know that's not going to happen." She couldn't even be the least bit supportive of me...give me a little encouragement. A 'maybe' was all I was asking for. I missed flying terribly and I was truly miserable. It wasn't an act. If she just took the time she'd realize that, I thought, resentment settling in my stomach.  
  
"Oh!" she suddenly exclaimed, her eyes brightening. She quickly spun around, her hands reaching up to check her hair. I turned to see who had come in, but I already had a good guess - Thomas. "He's here," she exclaimed breathlessly. Honestly, you would have thought Elvis Presley had entered the building, as flushed and excited as she looked. Actually, now that I think of it, Elvis wouldn't have gotten that much of a reaction from her; Ricky Nelson, maybe. "Danny, would you go... over there," she waved me off like some pesky puppy. "I want to talk to Thomas alone."  
  
I frowned at her, but it was a lost cause, she was too busy checking her hair in the mirror. I watched Thomas and his group of friends walk in, all heads turned towards them, the girls smiling widely. I liked Thomas; don't get me wrong. He was a junior and a pitcher on the high school baseball team, a good one too. I was the catcher, mainly because the other catcher, a senior, broke his leg. I have to give Thomas some credit: he didn't let all the attention go to his head. He knew he was good looking and that all the girls liked him, but he was still basically a nice guy.   
  
I was a bit envious of him actually. It's not that I wanted to be surrounded by girls...it was just that we were both the same height, but he was more muscular than me. No matter how many push-ups and pull ups I did, I still looked scrawny. It wouldn't have been so bad, except one time I heard one of Grace's friends call me a beanpole. I might not have wanted the attention from the girls, but I didn't want them laughing at me either.  
  
I hopped off my stool. There was no point in sticking around; I'd be ignored anyways. "Sure, sure," I told Grace, walking away slowly...a small part of me hoping that she'd call me back. It wasn't that she wanted to be alone with Thomas; she just didn't want me around when Thomas and his friends finally arrived.  
  
"Hey, McCawley," Thomas' boisterous voice called as I walked past him.  
  
"Hey Thomas. Guys," I nodded, trying to muster up a smile. Like I said, the guy was decent, I just didn't particularly care for Grace's fascination with him.  
  
"Is Grace here?" he asked.  
  
Great, now I was going to be his go between, too. I could tell Grace what Thomas was doing and then tell Thomas what Grace was doing - my new meaning in life. "Yeah," I answered, trying to sound casual. "She's over there finishing her soda," I told him, hitching my thumb towards her. Grace sat with her back to us, pretending she didn't know who was in the shop. If I didn't know she had spent the last 20 minutes waiting for Thomas to show up, I could have easily believed her little act.  
  
"Cool!" Thomas replied as he walked past, slapping me heartily on the shoulder, like I was a good little messenger boy. "I'll see you at practice Monday."  
  
"Yeah, see you," I answered, watching him walk up to Grace. The surprised, yet delighted look on Grace's face was quiet good. I would have believed that too, but I had seen her practicing it in the mirror in her living room. I shook my head with disgust. Great, just great, I thought. Now I'm stuck in Malt Shop Hell. Matty and Drew wouldn't want to leave any time soon and Grace was too busy holding court with Thomas and his friends, her eyes sparkling as she laughed at some remark he made. I was going to be stuck here forever.  
  
Sighing, I found a vacant seat back near the comic stand where I could keep an eye on the trouble twins. I always carried a book with me, and today's selection was Louis L'amour's latest novel, Burning Hills. If I couldn't escape physically, at least my mind could wander freely through the Wild West.   
  
I'd spent most of the previous week reading - when I wasn't doing chores for my dad, that is. It was the only escape I had since I couldn't fly. Flying was definitely my favorite escape, though I couldn't do it as often as I liked, but reading was a close second.   
  
I had found two new Louis L'amour novels that I hadn't been able to get before, and some kind of fantasy book, The Fellowship of the Ring, hidden inside the barn where I usually went to read. It wasn't that I needed to hide, as long as my chores were done my dad didn't really care what I did. I think he was even a bit proud at how much I read. It was just that the loft in the barn was my special place where no one bothered me.   
  
I had learned to read there actually, my uncle sitting with me on his odd holiday home from college, helping me struggle through Dick and Jane. Grace had learned to read during one long year while they were away and I was a bit jealous. Of course she insisted on lording it over me, reading everything to me like I was a baby. Uncle Danny understood my dilemma and he secretly taught me, so that by summer's end I was just as good Grace. He always seemed to understand what I was feeling.  
  
I knew he was the one who put the books up there. He was just as upset about my stunts in the plane as my father, but he understood how being grounded for so long was more than enough punishment. If it hadn't been for those new books I would have sat and stewed on my lost freedom and become even more unhappy and depressed. So reading it was. If I couldn't fly, I could escape into a book. The fantasy book looked interesting and I knew my uncle and aunt really liked it, but I wasn't much interested in elves and dwarves at that moment. I wanted to become lost in the Wild West, like I saw on TV and at the movies. I could travel alongside Indians, or fight bandits with daring. I didn't have to think about what was going on in my life. I didn't have to worry about anyone else - not Grace, or Thomas, or my parents. I could be anyone I wanted, not some fourteen-year-old boy who was slowly losing his best friend and constantly butting heads with his father. With a book in front of me I was free from all my worries...and I liked it that way.  
  
Slouching down into my chair I settled in. I became Trace Jordan, struggling through the hot Texas plains, buzzards circling, injured and tired, searching for a hiding place in the hopes that the men pursuing me would pass me by. I always had had a vivid imagination. It's how I survived all those years while Grace was away and there was no one to play with. Reading just stimulated everything even more. I could see the heat waves coming off the desolate landscape and hear the buzzard's wings as they swept down from above, excited by the smell of blood. The whole malt shop with it's buzzing voices and rock 'n roll playing on the nickel jukebox simply faded away until I was rather rudely interrupted by a old woman, who in the space of a few minutes conversation, managed to turn my life upside down.  
  
"Boy!" her gravely voice slowly penetrated my dream world. "Hey boy!" she called again, but this time she added a not so light tap of her cane against my shin.   
  
"Hey, watch it!" I yelped, glaring up at her. I was caught momentarily between my dream world and reality. I couldn't help wondering if the buzzards from Texas had followed me into the malt shop. That's the only image that comes to mind whenever I think of that old woman, Mrs. Gorf, I was to find out later. She was medium sized, but spindly and extremely wrinkled. She could have easily been a hundred years old. Her silver hair was the only relief in the ensemble of black that she wore; from her institutional black shoes to the onyx brooch that was pinned to her collar. She looked exactly like a silver haired buzzard with a cane. Oddly enough, though, despite her obvious love of black, her cane was a shiny red.  
  
"Don't sass me boy," she warned me, her voice low and raspy, her penetrating black eyes looking me over carefully, taking in every flaw and imperfection of my slouched form. From the look of her pinched face I gathered that she didn't like what she saw. "You best watch them brothers of yours," she told me, pointing a shaky finger towards Matty and Drew. "They're going to damage something soon, mark my words."  
  
I glanced over to see Matty and Drew playing swords with rolled up comic books. I guess they were bored too. "They aren't my brothers," I told the old woman. But brothers or no, I was still partially responsible for them. "Drew, Matty," I yelled at them, making them jump. I made my voice deliberately harsh so they would know that I was being serious. If you were too nice they would only continue doing their best to annoy you. They could be devious little monsters when the mood struck them. "Knock it off. I know you don't have money, so you better not ruin those."  
  
The boys stopped their play and unrolled the comics, tossing them back onto the display carelessly. "Danny, can we go now?" eight-year-old Matty asked, habitually swiping at the hair that was always in his eyes. "We looked at all these and we're bored," he whined. Matty was really a great kid, but he sure could whine. I don't know why he bothered, though. Uncle Danny and Aunt Kate rarely let him get away with it, but he was ever the opportunist. I knew it drove Grace crazy, so it usually worked on her. She'd do just about anything to get him to leave her alone.  
  
"Yeah, we're bored," six-year-old Drew chimed in. "I wanna go home." Now, Drew, on the other hand tended to use his eyes to get his way. He had green eyes, like Aunt Kate and Grace, but with long dark lashes that made them look startling. He'd bat those lashes at you and pout a little. He looked like a green-eyed puppy. The look worked amazingly well on all the old ladies in town. Drew was always getting free cookies and balloons.  
  
"Yeah, me too," I whispered under my breath. Looking over at Grace I could tell that she had no intention of leaving soon. It would take a miracle to get her to leave while Thomas was still here; a miracle, or something really annoying. I couldn't help smiling to myself as a brilliant idea occurred to me. It was a dirty trick, but whatever got us out of here was worth it. Turning to the impatient boys I looked at them seriously. "Go ask your sister," I told them. "It's up to her." I couldn't stop a grin from spreading across my face as I watched them walk over to her. No one could whine better than Matty on a mission, and Drew could be quite persistent in his own way. I was pretty confident that we'd be out of there in ten minutes or less. Feeling smugly satisfied, I returned to my book.   
  
"Not your brothers, huh?" the old lady asked slyly, thumping me with her cane again. I had forgotten that she was there. I looked up to see her still standing over me, both hands propped onto her cane as she stared at me intently.   
  
"No, they're not," I said, shifting my legs out of her reach and keeping my eyes trained on my book, hoping that she would take the hint and leave me alone. Instead she pulled out the chair opposite me and sat down, her eyes never leaving my face.  
  
"Don't lie to me boy," she barked, banging her cane against the floor for emphasis.  
  
"I'm not lying," I replied sullenly. I remember feeling a sudden spark of anger course through me. Who was she to question my honesty? Everyone in town knew that Matty and Drew weren't my brothers.  
  
The old woman actually scoffed at me in disbelief, her voice sounding as if she needed a good cough. "Your name Danny?" she asked belligerently.  
  
"Yeah, so what?" I answered, hadn't Matty just called me that? Maybe the old woman had a hearing problem. I didn't care. I just wanted to be left alone. Deliberately I lifted my book, but I couldn't concentrate with her staring at me like I was some kind of interesting bug.   
  
Frustrated, I finally put the book down. "What do you want?" I asked tightly. I had always been taught to be polite to my elders, but she was really irritating me. I didn't have the patience to deal with a crazy woman, especially not a mean one with a cane and the penchant to use it.  
  
Now that she had my undivided attention, the old woman nodded over to where the boys were pestering Grace. Seeing the annoyed expression on Grace's face almost made me smile. We'd be going home soon. Unfortunately, it wasn't soon enough.   
"That one," she pointed with her bony chin. "The bigger one - he's the spitting image of his father at the same age.  
  
I shrugged. So Matty looked like his father, who cared? "So?" I asked, knowing that she wasn't going to let this go until she'd had her say. I was now almost sure that she was crazy.  
  
Her beady black eyes came around to rest on me again, and I felt the force of her stare. I felt like a...moth...underneath a magnifying glass, as if she was studying everything about me. "You," she pointed a finger at me. "You look like him too. Oh, you might have some of your mama in you." She cocked her head to the side, studying me. "The chin's a bit different," she said thoughtfully, rubbing her face. "And your hair's a bit darker, too. But you look like him. Especially the eyes."  
  
I frowned at her, shaking my head in disbelief. Now I was sure; she was definitely crazy. Along with the hearing problem she must have had a problem with her eyes too. All brown hair, brown-eyed kids looked alike. Why was she bothering me of all people, I wondered. There were dozen's of people in the malt shop. I'd had a bad enough week as it was, I didn't need more aggravation. Of course, I was the only one sitting alone and that, unfortunately, made me a good target. "You know my father?" I smirked, playing a long with her game. I'd told her several times that Matty and Drew weren't my brothers, so I doubt she would have heard me if I had said it again.   
  
"I do," she nodded emphatically. "I used to be librarian hereabouts before I moved down to Atlanta to be with my sister in '37. I saw your father all the time in the library."  
  
This time I couldn't help laughing at her words. My dad was a smart man, but his knowledge didn't come from books. Reading was never one of his strong suits. Even when I was little he would wait outside the library when I went inside, so I can't imagine him going to the library often enough for the librarian to get to know him when he was a kid.   
  
I jumped when I felt a hand come down on my shoulder. I guess I was tenser than I thought after being pestered by the old woman. I didn't know what she was after, or what made her come up with her crazy ideas, but she was really getting to me. I knew who I was and who I was related to.   
  
Grace looked down at me concernedly. "Come on, Danny, let's go home."  
  
Thank God, I thought in relief. It was about time. The old lady was smirking at me, but I ignored her. I wanted to get as far from her and her crazy talk about my father as possible. "Sure," I agreed, trying not to sound too relieved at the idea of leaving. But as I stood up the woman began to cackle softly to herself and something inside of me just snapped. "Look, they aren't my brothers, okay?" I declared hotly, staring down at her. "Grace, you tell her!" I turned to face Grace, her face a mixture of shock and confusion. "Tell her that Matty and Drew are not my brothers," I demanded.  
  
I watched as Grace looked bewilderingly between the old woman and me, a small frown appearing between her eyes. It wasn't like me to get so upset, especially at an old woman, but I just couldn't help it. This nosy old buzzard acted as if she knew everything about me, yet she didn't even listen to me when I told her the truth. I could feel my face flushing as I clenched and unclenched my fists. It had been a bad enough of a week as is; I didn't need this now.  
  
"If the boys have done something...." Grace began hesitantly, her eyes focused on me though I continued to glare down at the woman.  
  
"They haven't," the old woman interrupted. "It's just I don't like people that lie to me. I know what I know."  
  
That was enough. I was seeing red by then. "I'm not lying!" I said throwing my hands up in the air. "Can't you hear? They are not my brothers. We are not related. Okay? My father would never set foot in the library. So just leave me alone!"   
  
"Can I help you, ma'am," Grace asked confusedly, her hand resting lightly on my arm. "Danny isn't a liar. Maybe you're mistaken."  
  
"Don't talk to me like I'm crazy, girl," the woman barked, her gaze shifted away from me and focused on Grace. I watched her eyes sweep up and down her form, taking in everything. "Who are you girl? Are you his sister," she demanded, nodded towards me abruptly.  
  
"No ma'am, he's my...friend," Grace finally replied hesitantly. It was hard to pick a word to describe what we were to each other. Technically we weren't related, though we had been raised together like cousins. Friends would do well enough.  
  
The old woman didn't seem to hear Grace at all. "What about those two boys?" she asked, pointed towards the front window where Matty and Drew were standing making faces at the malt shop patrons and laughing uproariously.  
  
Grace waved at them to stop, but they only laughed harder, sticking their tongues out and crossing their eyes. "They're my brothers," Grace answered, still frowning at them. I could tell that Grace was uncomfortable talking to this crazy woman by the way she was twisting her hands, but she still met her penetrating stare without flinching. "Come on, Danny," she said finally grabbing my arm.  
  
"Who are you parents," the woman barked sharply before we had taken two steps.  
  
Grace stopped with a sigh. She had been raised just as I had, and being polite was a hard habit to break. I knew her patience was frayed, but she still managed to answer. "Danny and Kate Walker," she said simply. "Let's go," she whispered to me under her breath.  
  
I wanted to go, but I couldn't. The old lady was cackling again, her face breaking into a smile, her wrinkles all but covering up her eyes. "That's what I thought," she crowed delightedly, tapping me with her cane again. "See boy, I told you, you look just like your father. Danny Walker Jr.," she declared. "No sense lying to me. I've known him for years. You read like him too," she pointed to the paperback that was still clenched in my fist. "That boy could go through books quicker than a weasel through a chicken coop!" She laughed hoarsely at her own humor.  
  
I stared at her for a long moment, a sudden icy feeling in the pit of my stomach. This woman was crazy; she had to be crazy; to think that Uncle Danny was... She was definitely crazy I tried to convince myself. So what if I had brown hair and eyes like him...my dad and mom both had brown hair and eyes too. Just because I read a lot didn't mean anything. I didn't look that much like Matty. But somehow hearing her say those words, hearing her say my name that way...something tumbled into place in my mind and I didn't like the feel of it.  
  
"My father's name is Rafe McCawley," I managed to say through clenched teeth. "And he doesn't even like to read."  
  
The old woman stopped laughing and for a moment I felt triumphant. Now she'd apologize for her mistake, I thought. Then a speculative gleam came into her eyes as she looked at me, my stomach suddenly sinking like a rock. "That's what you think, boy," she told me, a sly look on her face, as if we were sharing some kind of joke. "That's what you think."  
  
I'd had enough. Turning abruptly I pulled Grace out of the shop, wanting to get as far away from that old woman as possible. Grace didn't say anything, but she kept on looking back at the old woman, a frown on her face. I didn't look back. I couldn't. I was afraid that if I did I might just turn into stone.  
  
End 1/? 


	2. chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
We walked the mile and half back home silently. I wasn't sure what Danny was thinking, but the woman's words were echoing in my head. Drew and Matty had scampered off into the bushes ahead of us, playing tag or some other game of their own invention. As long as they weren't bothering me, I didn't care. There was nothing but farmland for miles, so they couldn't get into too much trouble. I was still mad at them for interrupting me and Thomas back at Tildy's. I love my brothers, but sometimes they drove me crazy, especially Matty and Drew.  
  
I realized immediately that it was Danny who sent them to bother me, but I can't be mad at him, not after what I had witnessed. He needed rescuing from that nosy old woman. I'm just sorry I came too late. I knew he was upset with me for wanting to talk to Thomas. I saw the puppy dog look he gave me and how he slowly slumped off into the corner, but...well...I really wanted to talk to Thomas. I figured Danny would go read, and then when we walked home I would apologize. Mary Dee had told me that Thomas thought that Danny might be my boyfriend and I wanted a chance to let him know that I was...available. I just didn't think that anything could happen to Danny while I chatted with Thomas. But seeing him as we walked home, I could tell that something big did happen. And I wished with all my heart that I could go back and leave the malt shop when he wanted to.  
  
Glancing over at him, I tried to gage his mood. It took a lot for him to lose his temper, and I'd never seen him blow up at a stranger before or since. He was normally so laidback, it had really shocked me. I wondered what I had missed of the conversation. What I had heard was enough to upset anyone. Had the old woman said any thing more?  
  
Danny had always been a solemn, serious kind of guy, not given to smiling much, but I had never seen him frown so deeply as he was then. His lips were pressed together so tightly that a white line had formed around them and there was a deep crease across his forehead. I watched surreptitiously as he striped the leaves from a fallen stick and used it to switch the heads off of dandelions as we walked along, his wrist flicking more forcefully than necessary. He was definitely upset.  
  
The truth was, the old woman had upset me too. I was used to people sometimes assuming that Danny was my brother, or lately, my boyfriend, because of all the time we spent together. He had been my best friend for as long as I can remember, and until recently...well, we were always together. But people outright asking if he was my brother hadn't happened for years. Most of the people we came in contact with were from around Shelby and strangers were too polite to ask - usually.  
  
I had never really taken the idea seriously. But as I watched Matty jump out of the bushes and scare Drew with a dead...something...I noticed that Danny did look a bit like him, given the age difference. Both were tall for their ages, brown haired, though Danny's was a bit darker, and brown eyed. But then, I argued with myself, Uncle Rafe had brown eyes, and so did Aunt Evelyn. But Danny's eyes didn't really look like theirs I had to admit. His eyes were on the smallish side, almost squinty, like he was constantly looking at the sun. Not really like Aunt Evelyn's or Uncle Rafe's, but were they enough like Matty's? Were their similarities...that similar, or just more of a coincidence?  
  
I couldn't help sighing softly. Suddenly the old woman didn't seem so crazy. A seed had been planted in my mind and the more I watched Matty darting in and out of the bushes and compared him to Danny, the more my curiosity grew. It was like an itch that just had to be scratched. The old woman had seemed so sure of what she was saying - even with her crazy cackling. Could she be right? Could Uncle Rafe not be Danny's father?  
  
I'd never seen Danny react so strongly - or so rudely - to anyone. Where I was always ready to go, ready to say or try anything, Danny was always the voice of caution. Oh, he'd follow along eventually - when he knew that I was going to do it, whatever it was, anyways, but he always had to look everything over first; to think it through. Of course, he was also the one who would do all the talking when we got in trouble. No one could stay mad at him long. He could be polite and apologetic to a fault. I guess that's why his little outburst shocked me so much. The old woman must have really touched a nerve to upset him so much.  
  
I really wanted to talk to Danny about it, but the look on his face told me he definitely wasn't in the mood to talk. I'd known him long enough to see that. If the idea seemed possible to me, then it might have seemed possible to him. Maybe that's why he had gotten so angry...he had seen the similarities between himself and Matty and hadn't liked it. I couldn't blame him.  
  
Instead of getting him to talk, which I have to admit was my first instinct, I reached over and took his hand, given him a comforting squeeze. He didn't look over at me, but he did squeeze back, holding my hand tightly as we walked the rest of the way home in the warm afternoon light, our shadows joined in front of us. He was my best friend. I didn't like to see him hurting, but I knew there was nothing I could do for him at that moment, except to be there for him.  
  
  
  
That night I made my plans. Daddy had always been a big advocate of the truth. So, I decided to do a little digging in our families' history. If we could find out the truth, then at least Danny would know it and could deal with it...whatever it was. All this wondering was not good. Of course, we could have just come straight out and asked...but if it wasn't the truth, then I didn't want to go and upset everybody for nothing. Besides, I didn't want to give them time to come up with some story...if they were lying about who Danny's father was.  
  
I decided that I would start with the family pictures. And then, if I didn't find some distant relative of Uncle Rafe or Aunt Evelyn's who looked like Danny, I would move on to asking some discrete questions. I had settled on the idea of pretending to write a family history paper. I thought it was a brilliant idea. I'm almost ashamed to admit that I was excited at the prospect of my detective work.  
  
My excitement waned when I saw Danny at the bus stop the next morning. He looked haggard and drawn, like he hadn't slept all night, which he probably hadn't. Who can sleep when you've just been told that your whole life was a lie? I sat down with him on the bus, but he didn't even look at me.  
  
"How are you doing?" I asked.  
  
He shrugged, his eyes staring vacantly out the window. "Fine."  
  
"You don't look fine," I pointed out, gently.  
  
He scowled over at me briefly. "Thanks. I appreciate that."  
  
He definitely wasn't in a good mood. "Danny look, " I tried again, "about yesterday..."  
  
Running his hand through his hair in characteristic gesture of nervousness, he looked over at me. "I'm fine Grace. I don't want to talk about yesterday. The old lady was just crazy. End of story."  
  
"But Danny...."  
  
"Stop it Grace," he snapped, shocking us both. "Look, I'm sorry," he apologized. "Why don't you go find an empty seat and wait for Thomas...his stop's coming up, right?"  
  
"I'd..."  
  
"Just go, Grace, okay? Just leave me alone." Turning away from me he stared out the window. I watched him for a moment, seeing the defensive hunch of his shoulders, and the dark circles under his eyes. He wanted me to think that he didn't believe the old woman, but I knew him. I could see his fear...I could practically smell it. But knowing Danny he wouldn't do anything yet.... he'd wait and see if more evidence would turn up, but he wouldn't start looking. The idea would grow in his mind and take root, if it already hadn't, and it would bother him until he learned the truth. He might not be ready to look yet, but I was. I needed to find the truth for him, to give him peace of mind. It was the least I could do.  
  
I started right after school. Danny had baseball until 5, so after I got off the bus I went to visit Aunt Evelyn. She didn't work at the hospital on Mondays, so I knew I would have her all to myself for a few hours, if needed. I walked up onto the porch and paused just outside the door, taking a few deep breaths for courage. As I stood there I watched Aunt Ev working in the kitchen. She certainly didn't look like the mother of a 15 year old. Her long brown hair, which she usually wore up in a bun while she worked, had only a few strands of gray and there wasn't a single wrinkle on her face, I swear. I wanted to age as gracefully as my aunt. She was just as skinny as she had been before Danny was born. And just as elegant.  
  
I knocked softly on the door, causing her to jump slightly.  
  
"Hey Gracie," she smiled at me, moving to open the door. "School out already?" she asked. I was surprised to see how tired and pale she looked in the harsh light of the kitchen. She looked like she'd had the same sleeping problem as Danny.  
  
"Yeah. I just got home," I told her, setting my books on the table. "And I needed some help with some homework."  
  
"Okay," she said, giving me a quizzical look. "I'll help you any way I can. Have a seat. I need to get this roast in the oven so it will be ready when Danny gets home." She turned back to the counter and began cutting up some potatoes. "What do you need?"  
  
I took a deep breath. "Well, you see...I have to write a family history paper...for Mr. Jarvis...and I was hoping that I could look through some of the old family albums. Daddy doesn't have many pictures of when he was a kid, but I thought.... well, I thought Uncle Rafe might have some.... just to give me some background, you know," I rattled off quickly, hoping I didn't sound too rehearsed.  
  
"That shouldn't be a problem. You know where they are, right?" she asked over her shoulder.  
  
"In the living room," I said, standing. "I'll just give them a quick look through. I don't want to get in your way."  
  
"We'll, make yourself at home. I don't know how many pictures there are of your father, but you're more than welcome to look."  
  
In the living room I quickly scanned the albums, locating one dating 1920- 1925. Uncle Rafe would have been five to ten years old. I flipped through it quickly. I easily recognized Grandma and Grandpa McCawley. Of course, they were younger than in the picture we had of them in our living room. Most of the photos were stiff and posed, with extra tint added, so that in one of the pictures of Uncle Rafe he actually had blues eyes. I studied each picture carefully, but I could see nothing of Danny in the photos of Uncle Rafe, or his parents. The coloring, maybe, but it was hard to tell.  
  
I was staring at one candid photo of Uncle Rafe when he was around ten- years-old. He was standing with his father, holding up a decent sized fish. It was the best picture of him so far and I wanted to make sure I wasn't missing something.  
  
"What are you looking at?" Aunt Evelyn asked, coming in from the kitchen and sitting beside me.  
  
"Oh, uh...just this picture of Uncle Rafe..." I stammered in answer. "I was trying...to tell...uh, where, he, uh...caught the fish..."  
  
"I don't know," Aunt Evelyn said, taking the picture from me. "They used to go fishing all over the place." She smiled as she looked at it. "He certainly was a sturdy little boy," she chuckled. "Look at those cheeks! My grandma would call those pinching cheeks."  
  
"Sturdy?" I had to ask. I had noticed that as a child Uncle Rafe was built differently than Danny. He was shorter and....studier, I guess.  
  
Aunt Evelyn continued to smile as she put the photo back and began to look through the pages with me. "Rafe was a very sturdy little boy. Almost chunky at times. He didn't outgrow it until his teens, I guess."  
  
Interesting, I thought. "How were you growing up?" I had to ask. "Are there any pictures of you when you were a kid?"  
  
She shook her head. "I don't think so. My great aunt has all the family albums, and I've never gone to get them," she shrugged. "I was a little chunk myself," she laughed lightly at Graces disbelieving expression. "Honest. It runs in the family. I just lucked out and got some of my father's genes and I out grew it eventually."  
  
"So, you're father was tall and skinny?" I asked, trying not to sound too eager.  
  
"Skinny yes. Tall, not really," Aunt Evelyn replied. "He wasn't much taller than me actually."  
  
I cataloged the information for further use. It appeared that neither side of the family had a tendency to be tall and skinny like Danny. It's possible that he got his height from Uncle Rafe and his skinniness from his Grandpa Johnson, but so far I had seen no other family resemblances. I wanted to look at the next set of pictures, but Aunt Evelyn seemed intent on helping me look through the albums, laughing lightly at pictures of Uncle Rafe and other's that she knew. I didn't see any that caught my eye, but I knew I would need to take a closer look at the teenage pictures, and I didn't want Aunt Evelyn to become suspicious.  
  
"You don't have to help me," I told Aunt Evelyn. "I can look through this stuff myself. I just need to...get an idea...of ...what things were like around here."  
  
"Oh, it's no bother," she said, opening the next album, 1925-33, the one I really wanted to see. "I haven't looked at these in years."  
  
I stifled a sigh. "Okay, I just don't want to keep you from anything."  
  
Just then the porch door opened and I heard Uncle Rafe come in. "Evelyn? Can you give me a hand please? I cut myself on the back hoe." Aunt Evelyn rolled her eyes and I tried not to giggle. Uncle Rafe was not always the most mechanically inclined of men. "Oh, hey Gracie," he said when he saw me.  
  
"Hi Uncle Rafe," I replied. "How's your arm?"  
  
He looked down at it sheepishly. "It's fine. It just needs to be cleaned. What are you two doing?"  
  
Aunt Evelyn stood up, walking over to look at his arm. "Grace is working on a family history paper for school and she wanted to look through the photo albums to see if she could find any pictures of Danny," she told him. "Come on, let's go get this cleaned." Without a backward glance they went off to the bathroom. Finally I was alone.  
  
It didn't take me long to hit the jackpot. There weren't that many pictures in this album. Mainly I think because Grandma McCawley started getting sick towards the end of 1931 or '32. I know she died when my dad was 17. There were a couple pictures of my dad and my dad and uncle Rafe, but none of them gave me a good look at their faces - until I found The One. I can still remember the shock I felt when I first saw it. It was like Danny was staring right back out at me...only I knew it was my father standing next to Uncle Rafe and Grandpa McCawley.  
  
Making sure that Aunt Evelyn or Uncle Rafe hadn't snuck down the hallway when I wasn't looking, I carefully took the picture out of the album and slid it into my pocket. Evidence. I flipped through the rest of the album, and in my excitement none of the other pictures caught my eye, until the very end where some extra pages had been slipped into the back of the album.  
  
A pretty, young brown haired woman with sad eyes posed primly, while a stern faced man stood stiffly beside her, his hand resting on her shoulder. I could tell by the clothes they wore that the picture was older than the others in the album. There was another picture of the man and woman again, but this time she was holding a baby, then another formal picture of a smiling toddler, probably 3 years old. There were about a dozen more pictures of the woman and little boy. I was half way through them before I realized who they were. This was my grandmother...and my grandfather. These were my father's baby pictures. I had never seen a picture of his parents, my grandparents, but I recognized them now. My father's eyes were exactly like his mother's, and the dimple in his chin...that was just like his father.  
  
In all my life I had never heard my father talk about his parents. I knew his mother died when he was very young. Three or four, I guessed from the sudden lack of photos. And I knew that he had moved in with Uncle Rafe after his father died when he was thirteen. They were all he talked about, Jake and Bethany McCawley. They were my grandparents, as far as daddy was concerned. It was strange to look down at this man and woman and see the resemblance - to know them as family, but to know nothing about them. I carefully removed the pages, setting them aside to take home with me. I didn't think Aunt Evelyn would mind.  
  
Knowing that Aunt Evelyn would be finished doctoring up Uncle Rafe soon, I quickly grabbed the album marked 1942-46, off the shelf. I had baby pictures of my father, now I wanted to compare them to Danny. The resemblance wasn't as much as I had expected, but it was there. It was strange flipping through the pages and suddenly seeing a picture of Danny and me and another of Uncle Rafe holding Danny, and daddy holding me. We all looked happy, but were we living a lie even then? There were no pictures of just daddy and Danny. There was one of Uncle Rafe and me, and another of mom holding Sam as Danny looked on, but nothing of daddy and Danny. Had that been deliberate? Did nobody want to take a picture that could have more meaning than they had intended? Had daddy avoided being alone with Danny? I didn't know. I couldn't even guess.  
  
I had definitely found enough evidence to warrant more investigating, I thought, as I gathered my things and the Walker family photos. Now my next step was to start asking some questions. Who to ask first was a tough one. I didn't want to appear too eager, or they might get suspicious. I needed to think it over a bit more. 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
It wasn't until Wednesday that I had a chance to ask my parents some questions. Monday was just too chaotic and too soon after I had found the pictures. Eva had come down with another ear infection that morning and I ended up cooking dinner while mom paced up and down with her and a hot water bottle. I didn't get a chance to talk to daddy because he had to go into town for some medicine. I felt sorry for little Eva. It was obvious she was in a lot of pain. Mom looked pretty worn out herself, so I thought it best to wait.  
  
On Tuesday, Eva was feeling much better, so we picnicked at the ball field, watching the Shelby Tigers beat the Ashville Lions, 6-3 and 4-1 in a double header. My parents went to all of Danny's games, just like they went to all of Sam and Josh's. I had never really thought about it before. It's just what we did. If Danny or one of the boys had a game - football, basketball, or baseball - we went. Or at least daddy did. Uncle Rafe and Aunt Evelyn were at the games too. I had always assumed it was because we were like family, but maybe there was something more to it. Uncle Rafe never missed any of Danny's games, but every now and then he wouldn't be able to come to one of my brother's games, but daddy had never missed one. He was a teacher at Shelby high, so it was natural for him to come to those games, but he never missed the peewee or little league games either. I wondered if this meant more than I had ever thought.  
  
Wednesday things were back to normal around our house, normal still being pretty chaotic, what with six kids and two adults sitting around a dinner table. I wasn't exactly sure how to bring up the subject of our family history. I didn't know what to ask first, because the questions I really wanted to ask couldn't be asked at all, not without letting them know what I suspected. Luckily, my mom solved the problem for me.  
  
"So, Grace," she started while we were passing around the serving bowls and filling our plates. "Evelyn said that you were over there on Monday looking through the old photo albums. You have a history paper to do?"  
  
For a moment my heart started beating loudly, thinking my mom might be suspicious, or that Aunt Evelyn might have noticed the missing pictures. But mom continued to cut up some food for Eva, not looking at me, so I figured my subterfuge was safe. If she had guessed something was up, she would have been watching me like a hawk. She could always read me very well.  
  
"Yes, ma'am," I answered, carefully spooning some mashed potatoes onto my plate.  
  
"Well, what is it about?" she asked. "Andrew...chew your food before you try to swallow," she admonished my little brother.  
  
"It's a family history paper, about us...and our...history..." I said lamely, suddenly feeling unsure of myself. I really hated to lie to my parents, even if it was for a good cause.  
  
Sam smirked at me from across the table. "A paper now? School's out in two weeks, why would you have to do one now?"  
  
I glared over at him. "It's extra credit," I ad-libbed.  
  
"Do you need help with your grade, Gracie?" Daddy asked, pausing with his fork raised, to look at me.  
  
"No, no," I reassured him. Leave it to Sam to cause problems for me. "I'm doing just fine in history. I just thought it'd be fun." Sam laughed and I kicked him under the table. "A little extra credit wouldn't hurt...."  
  
"Since when do you need extra credit?" Sam asked, his heel coming down on my toes. "The only extra credit work that would interest you is...Thomas..." he said in a singsong voice, as he fluttered his eyes at me. Josh and Matty laughed.  
  
I could feel my cheeks turning red. I really should have expected this. Sam had always enjoyed making my life difficult. It was his favorite pastime. You would think that I would have learned not to react. "Samuel Walker...you...."  
  
"Stop it. Both of you," my mom said, looking down the table at us. "Sam, stop teasing your sister. I think it's good that she's willing to do some extra credit work...maybe you should try it, instead of always harassing us to take the plane up."  
  
I smiled triumphantly over at Sam, as he slouched down in his chair. He had gotten in trouble earlier in the school year for not doing his homework. He'd tell mom and dad he was done, or that he didn't have any, so that they'd let him fly. Mom had come up with a system where he had to list all his homework assignments in a special notebook and show that he had finished them before he could do anything. He hated it, but his grades had improved, so mom kept it up.  
  
"Now, tell us about your paper, honey," mom my encouraged.  
  
"Well," I began. "It has to be on our immediately family...grandparents, aunts, uncles, parents.... and what their lives have been like...uh...how they've changed...how they've been affected by...things..."  
  
"Sounds like a pretty big assignment," daddy commented.  
  
"Well, it doesn't have to be that big," I hedged. "I can, like, focus on a certain aspect.... of it all...and well, I thought...that it would be...interesting...to write a paper on you guys and…the war." I watched a frown pass quickly over my mother's face. "I know that mom doesn't like to talk about grandma and grandpa Williams, and....Michael," I said quickly, wanting to allay any misgivings my mom might have, "and well, you're mom and dad died when you were really young, Daddy, so there's not much history there...not interesting anyways, so I thought hearing more about you and Uncle Rafe in the war...." I shrugged, hoping that they would believe me and be willing to answer my questions. After all, it was just family history. Supposedly they had nothing to hide. "I realized that I don't really know much about you guys back then. I thought it'd be interesting and...uh...educational...to learn more."  
  
"Who's Michael?" Matty asked, his mouth full of food.  
  
"Nobody you need be concerned with right now," Mom answer, her face pinched. "Keep eating and don't talk with your mouthful."  
  
I watched my parents carefully. It was obvious that my mom was very uncomfortable with the idea, but dad still looked open to it. I knew I could win him over, as long as whatever I did didn't upset mom.  
  
Leaning forward, I looked over at daddy intently, focusing all my thoughts on him, trying to act as innocent as possible. "I know you were at Pearl Harbor, that would be exciting tell about. And Uncle Rafe was in the Eagle squadron. You were both shot down...and Aunt Evelyn was a nurse and you met mom in China and we lived in an internment camp for two years," I was getting excited now, even though I didn't really have to write the paper, we did have a pretty interesting family history. "None of the other kids have a family history like that," I pointed out unnecessarily.  
  
"Uncle Rafe and Aunt Evelyn aren't really family, are they?" Matty chimed in.  
  
"They're close enough," I said, looking over at my dad. "And it would make my paper more interesting. We call them aunt and uncle, right? And you were practically raised with Uncle Rafe." I looked between mom and dad, hopefully. I wanted to make sure that I would be able to ask the right questions...and if Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Rafe were off limits, then I didn't know what I was going to do.  
  
"They are family," Daddy stated firmly. "Maybe not by blood, but they are family."  
  
Mom cleared her throat softly, gaining my attention. She had a strained look on her face. "Grace, there are some things...about...China...and our...history...that don't need to be told to strangers," she said. "It's fine for you to know, and everyone else in the family, but we don't need to share it. Do you understand?"  
  
I looked at her blankly. I didn't understand at first, but then it dawned on me. In my enthusiasm to get to the Truth I had forgotten that mom and dad didn't have the most conventional courtship. Mom had been married when she and I lived with daddy in China. She had technically been married, or so she thought, when she got pregnant with Sam. Most people around here thought that she and daddy had been married in China and that the small ceremony held here after Sam was born was just for ...sentimental reasons. I suppose letting anyone in Shelby know the truth was a pretty bad idea. Small town gossip was the worst.  
  
"Oh, yeah, I guess I see what you're saying," I agreed, blushing slightly. "I guess I'll focus more on Pearl Harbor...and that stuff. Would that be okay, Daddy?" I asked, turning to him and smiling eagerly.  
  
He looked at me and then he looked at mom. "I guess so. How about we talk about it after dinner, okay?"  
  
"That would be great," I smiled, feeling rather triumphant. Everything was going just as I planned.  
  
"What doesn't need to be told to strangers?" Matty whispered loudly to Josh, who was, as usual, sitting quietly and listening to everything.  
  
Josh shook his head. "You're not old enough to understand."  
  
"I am too!" Matty insisted.  
  
"You are not," Josh responded calmly. "'Cause if you were, you'd know the answer."  
  
Matty thought about it for a moment. "Mom...."  
  
"No Mathew," mom interrupted, a small smile on her face. "This is not a topic for the dinner table. Now why don't you tell us what you found at the pond today...and why it hopped out of your lunch pail and across my kitchen floor?" she teased.  
  
"Drew found it!" Matty said quickly.  
  
"You brought it home!" Andrew retorted.  
  
Eva knocked over her milk as Matty and Drew continued to fight. I was no longer in the spotlight, which gave me time to think about what exactly I wanted to ask my dad. 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
Since I had cooked dinner earlier that week, Sam and Josh had to do the dishes while I supervised Matty and Drew clearing the table. You had to really watch those two. They were just as likely to get into a food fight as get the dishes into the kitchen. Amazingly enough not one dish was broken and only a mostly empty bowl was spilled. By the time I got to the living room, Eva was in her pajamas and playing with dad. My mom had a pretty good system going in our house. I knew exactly where she was - in the kitchen helping Matty and Drew with some schoolwork and making sure that Sam did his share of the washing up. Only after everything was done would she allow us to turn on the television.  
  
Daddy smiled up at me when I walked into the room, Eva hanging by one foot giggling hysterically. "Hey Gracie, want a turn?" he asked, a grin on his face.  
  
I laughed, shaking my head. "I don't think so, thanks."  
  
"You used to love doing this," he said, setting Eva down and finding her doggie that she had dropped. "Too old, huh?" he asked, still smiling at me.  
  
"Too big," I retorted, though I couldn't hid my grin. I loved my dad. He always had time for us kids, no matter what. And we always knew that we came first - before his job or his writing. About the only thing that would keep him from playing with us whenever we asked was if Daisy needed milking. And even then he'd usually make us come down and help out. That usually turned into a game, too, with more milk ending up on the floor than in the bucket. Daisy wasn't really there to be a milking cow, anyways. Whatever milk we managed to get into the bucket was given to the barn cats, or to Millie our sow. Dad gave Daisy to mom for a 10-year anniversary gift. I never really understood the significance of giving your wife a cow, but my mom thought it was the best gift she'd ever received. Strange, I know, but it makes me smile.  
  
He sized me up as he sat down in his favorite chair. "You'll always be my baby girl, Gracie," he winked.  
  
"Daddy!" I rolled my eyes and acted embarrassed, but inside I was pleased.  
  
He just laughed at me. "So, are you ready? Don't you need paper or something to take notes?" Leaning back into his chair, an ankle resting on his knee, he assumed what I secretly called his professor position.  
  
"Oh, yeah," I said, trying not to blush. I forgot that I had to make this look real. Quickly I went to the hall and opened up my knapsack, pulling out some paper and a pen. Sitting down on the sofa, Eva playing on the floor between us, I looked over at him expectantly. "Now I'm ready."  
  
He raised a quizzical eyebrow. "It's your paper...you're going to have to ask the questions...you can't expect me to do all the work for you." He winked at me again. He was definitely in a playful mood. Eva had softened him up for me. I felt bad because I knew that my questions were going to make him uncomfortable, but if he was this relaxed him might inadvertently reveal more.  
  
"Oh, yeah.... Okay." I gathered my wits about me, took a deep breath and dove in. There was no going back now. I had seen the pictures and I was more than 90% sure that what the old woman at Tildy's had said was true, but I needed proof. Once I started asking questions I would find more pieces of the puzzle. I knew that Danny would want all the facts that I could get. It would make it easier for him, and it might help us understand why. "I guess I'll be focusing on the war years...I've never asked about them before.... so.... when did you an Uncle Rafe enlist in the Army?"  
  
"July 1936. I was 20."  
  
That surprised me, for some reason I thought they enlisted right after high school. "Why then?"  
  
"We stayed on the farm to help Rafe's dad," he said simply. "It was too soon after Beth had died and we didn't want to leave him alone. By 1936...well...we were more than ready."  
  
I nodded, jotting down the date on my paper. That made sense. "And you were stationed on Long Island, right?" He nodded. "Okay, so when did you meet Aunt Evelyn?" I asked, moving on to the important questions.  
  
"Don't you already know this?" he asked.  
  
"Well, I know some," I told him honestly. "At least I think I do...I just want to make sure I get it right. We've never really talked about it."  
  
He sighed. "We met Evelyn in December of 1940. She was one of the nurses giving flight physicals. Rafe flunked the eye exam, but she passed him anyways." Okay, this I did know. It was the specifics of what came after that I was curious about.  
  
"And then you were all transferred to Pearl Harbor?" I asked, trying not to sound too eager.  
  
"Evelyn and I were. Separately, though," he told me. "Remember, she was Navy, not Army. My squadron arrived in March, a few weeks after she did, I think. Rafe had left for the Eagle Squadron in January."  
  
"Did you see much of Aunt Evelyn before you were transferred? Did Uncle Rafe?" I had always assumed that Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Rafe had dated, but I don't know how that was possible if he left so soon after meeting her. My mind was definitely working overtime, because if Daddy was Danny's father...then that changed all the assumptions that I had made over the years.  
  
"I only saw her once.... we went into New York the night before Rafe shipped out." Only once...now that was interesting. I marked it down on my paper.  
  
"What about Uncle Rafe? Did he see her or did they start dating later, after he got back from England?" I knew I had to be thorough. When I went to Danny I didn't want to have any doubts or loopholes. Besides, I couldn't help being curious.  
  
For a moment he frowned at me. "I think they exchanged letters."  
  
"How about when you were at Pearl?" I continued.  
  
Daddy picked up one of Eva's toys and began to play with it absently. "Well, you should probably ask them.... it's not really any of my business."  
  
I shook my head. "I meant, did you see much of Aunt Evelyn," I clarified. "I know they wrote to each other while he was in England. I saw the box of letters that she has." That's why I had assumed that they had dated before Uncle Rafe left.  
  
"You did?" Daddy asked.  
  
"Yeah, once a long time ago. I didn't read them, or anything. Aunt Evelyn was just moving them." I shrugged. "So, did you see much of her?"  
  
"Well, sure. I saw her." He shifted in his seat, no longer the calm, all knowing professor, I noted.  
  
"Often?" I pressed. I knew this conversation was making him uncomfortable, and I was sorry for that, but I had to know.  
  
"Often enough, I guess," he said. "We were friends with the same people...a couple of her friends were dating some of mine..." he shrugged. "I saw her a couple times a month, maybe more."  
  
"Were you dating anyone?" I asked boldly.  
  
"What?" He wasn't expecting that one.  
  
"I was just wondering if you were dating anyone while you were at Pearl...."  
  
He looked at me for a moment, then his eyes shifted away from me and he ran his hand through his hair - all mannerisms that I recognized from Danny. He was trying to figure out how to tell me something, but still not tell me everything. I was both excited and scared. This might be what I was looking for. "No, I wasn't really...dating...anyone. We all just kind of went out together as a group. That was good enough for me."  
  
"Okay...." I paused, tapping my pen against my teeth in thought. Well, it wasn't like he'd come out and admit that he dated Aunt Evelyn, but he was definitely uncomfortable with the topic. "When was Uncle Rafe shot down?"  
  
Now he leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he watched Eva play. "I got the telegram from his dad in late July."  
  
"How'd you feel?" I couldn't help myself from asking, even though it didn't have anything to do with my information collecting. His eyes looked...incredibly sad.  
  
He looked up at me then, staring straight into my eyes. "Imagine that Danny decided to.... go on a trip without you.... and you got a letter saying he was dead; that you could never say good bye..." His voice was thick with emotion, even after all these years  
  
I swallowed, suddenly feeling tears stinging behind my eyes. "Oh."  
  
Daddy looked away. "Only it was worse in some ways because I had to live with the guilt that maybe, just maybe, if I had been there...on his wing...he might still be alive...or at least he wouldn't have been alone...."  
  
A thought suddenly struck me. "Why weren't you there?" I asked. I had never really thought about it before, but from their training days onwards they had always been stationed together. Why hadn't daddy gone to England with Uncle Rafe?  
  
"Rafe volunteered," he told me, his voice deeper than usual. "Actually, he told me he had been assigned so that he could gain some combat experience...I didn't know he'd volunteered until...later...and then it was too late." He looked up at me again, his eyes sadder than I had ever seen them. "Honestly, I didn't think it was our war to fight, at least not then.... But I would have gone...if I had known he had volunteered."  
  
Slowly I absorbed this new information. So Uncle Rafe had volunteered. I had always assumed he'd been assigned. Who would actually volunteer for combat duty? "Why didn't he tell you?" I asked softly. "I mean you were his best friend...."  
  
Daddy smiled softly. "He was protecting me."  
  
"Protecting you?" I didn't understand. Why would Uncle Rafe need to protect Daddy? He was a great pilot.  
  
"Oh, he was always trying to protect me since we were kids.... 'cause he was older than me...and well, because of.... because I didn't have any family." I could tell, by the way he shifted his eyes that he wasn't telling me everything again, but I decided not to press it.  
  
"How'd Aunt Evelyn find out about Uncle Rafe being shot down?" I asked, changing the topic slightly.  
  
"I told her," he replied simply, leaning back into his chair again.  
  
"You did?" I had never heard that little tidbit of information before. Actually, I realized, I had never heard most of this information before. I really only knew the basics. They met during flight physicals, they were stationed at Pearl Harbor, and Uncle Rafe was shot down in England but was there when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. I had been more interested in China and what had happened there - and why not? Weren't all kids interested in how their parents met? Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Rafe were just side notes to my own family history, until now.  
  
"Yes, I was the one to tell her," Daddy repeated. "Rafe asked me to be the one...if something happened to him."  
  
"Wow, that must have been hard," I said softly. "How did Aunt Evelyn take it?"  
  
"How do you think?" he asked me, picking Eva up into his arms and snuggling her close. "She was devastated."  
  
I wanted to ask him more about Aunt Evelyn, but I didn't think it was a good idea. I already knew that this wasn't easy for him to remember, and also I didn't want to make him suspicious by asking too many questions about her.  
  
"I bet you were pretty happy to see Uncle Rafe when he showed up alive, huh?" I grinned, but he didn't smile back.  
  
"Yeah, I was," he agreed, once again running his hand through his hair and shifting his eyes away from mine. "Things were pretty confusing...after he got back...what with the attack and the aftermath...but it was good having him on my wing again." Okay, I might have been trying to read more into his words than was there, but he didn't sound like he had been that excited to see Uncle Rafe again.  
  
"Wait a minute," I paused, thinking over his words. "When did Uncle Rafe get back? You make it sound like he got back right before the attack..."  
  
"He did," Daddy confirmed. "He showed up the night before." Eva was beginning to doze off in his arms and he leaned down to kiss her softly.  
  
"Wow...you mean all those months you and Aunt Evelyn thought he was dead?" I asked, amazed. "Did he...couldn't he have...let you know...somehow...that he had survived?"  
  
Daddy shook his head. "He was picked up and taken to occupied France. He couldn't get word out. You'll have to ask him the details of how he got back, I don't know them all."  
  
"But four months...." I trailed off. "What did you do?" I asked.  
  
He looked at me curiously. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Well," I said thoughtfully, "I can't imagine what I would do if something...happened...to Danny." I swallowed, feeling the pricking of tears behind my eyes again. "How did you and Aunt Evelyn cope?"  
  
"It wasn't easy," Daddy sighed. "I logged a lot of flight hours and ...Evelyn...worked a lot. We did what we had to do to get through each day." Once again I noticed the pained look on his face as he pressed his cheek against Eva's blond little head.  
  
"At least you had each other," I said sympathetically.  
  
His head snapped up abruptly, causing Eva to whimper softly before settling in again. His eyes locked onto mine. "What do you mean by that?" he asked guardedly.  
  
"Nothing," I replied, taken aback by the intensity of his stare. "I just meant you were lucky to have someone to...mourn with. Someone who missed him as much as you did."  
  
Obviously I had hit a nerve. I watched as he consciously relaxed his shoulders, a slight flush stealing across his cheeks. "Sorry," he apologized, his eyes once again looking anywhere but at me. "This isn't easy for me to talk about. I don't like remembering how I felt when...Rafe was...gone."  
  
"I can imagine," I said softly, my stomach suddenly in knots. This is what I had been looking for. A reaction to make me think that he was hiding something about Aunt Evelyn. "But Aunt Evelyn must have helped you. You were friends then, right?" I pushed on, wanting to see what he would say. I was sorry to cause him more pain, but I was so close to getting what I wanted. I could feel it.  
  
Daddy cleared his throat. "Actually, I didn't see much of Evelyn after the night I told her about Rafe. It was too...painful." My expectations plummeted at his softly spoken words. He didn't see her? That didn't fit into the timeline I had created. "At first," he added quietly, almost as an afterthought.  
  
My heart skipped a beat. "At first?" I asked, trying to mask my growing excitement.  
  
He ran a hand over his face. "Yes, at first. It was too painful to see her...she reminded me of Rafe and...it made me miss him more. But later, it was nice to have someone to talk to, to share memories with. It was the same for Ev, too, I think."  
  
I nodded. "So, eventually...you guys...moved on."  
  
He looked at me closely again and I tried to keep my face as blank as possible. "We learned to live with our grief," he acknowledged. "But I don't think either of us ever got over his death."  
  
I decided that I would let off some of the pressure I was putting on him. Maybe I was reading too much into it, but I got the impression that there was more than the sharing of memories between Daddy and Aunt Evelyn - even if I hadn't already suspected it. Daddy was just too uncomfortable. He had always been straight-forward with us kids. He never held anything back or lied to us, but I had the distinct feeling that he was now. He lied about as well as Danny did, ironically, and I could always tell when Danny wasn't telling me everything.  
  
"It must have been pretty amazing when he finally did show up," I offered. "Like seeing a ghost - but better. Did you first see him at your barracks...or did he come to the hangars?"  
  
"Actually, he went to see Evelyn at the hospital first. That's where I saw him," he answered.  
  
"Oh," was all I could think to say. What were you doing at the hospital, I wanted to ask, but couldn't. "So, where were you when the Japanese attacked?" I asked instead. "Were you awake? Is that why you were able to get up in the air?"  
  
"Uh no. I was asleep. By the time we got to the airfield the runway and planes were destroyed. We managed to get to a smaller airstrip, a mechanic runway. That's where we took off from."  
  
I looked at him curiously. "So, where were you then?"  
  
"Uh, Rafe and I had fallen asleep in my car," he told me. Seeing my raised eyebrow, he continued. "We...uh...had a lot to talk about and...we fell sleep in my car...on a small promontory overlooking the harbor. Front row seats for the bombing, actually."  
  
Interesting, I thought. Uncle Rafe comes back from the dead after four months, goes to see Aunt Evelyn at the hospital, but ends up falling asleep in a car after talking with his best friend. Normally, wouldn't a guy want to spend his first night home with his girl? Unless of course there was a problem...like maybe finding out that his best friend had taken his place....  
  
I knew that I would have to think about everything some more. There were so many dates and little pieces of information floating around in my head. I really wanted to leave then...maybe ask some more questions later, but I didn't want to seem suspicious, so I began asking questions about the attack itself. It was amazing to hear about what had actually happened. Daddy had always been a good storyteller, and this was no different. I had read about it in school, of course, but those books were nothing compared to hearing it from someone who had actually been there.  
  
Daddy in no way tried to glorify himself or Uncle Rafe, but I could tell how brave they had been. They were the only two pilots to get into the air. They had been shot at on the ground and in the air and they had watched their friends get shot at and die. When they ran out of ammo after shooting down seven planes, they landed and started helping the rescuers in the harbor. I knew my dad and Uncle Rafe were good, upstanding men, I just hadn't realized until that night that they were heroes too. Once again, it wasn't something we had ever talked about.  
  
We spent another half hour talking about the aftermath and the Doolittle Raid. Mom came in at one point and took Eva to bed. It was an eye opening experience for me. My parents, and Uncle Rafe and Aunt Evelyn, had lived through...and fought in...a war. They had risked their lives and done heroic deeds, but to me they were normal, though their lives had been everything but. I couldn't even imagine going through what they did. So much had happened to them in such a short space of time...Daddy, Uncle Rafe and Aunt Evelyn had met...fallen in love, though I wasn't sure with who or when...been reassigned away from each other, been shot down, and presumed dead for months, only to came back in time for the Japanese to attack. They had not only survived, but also fought back and helped Pearl Harbor recover from that attack. Then daddy and Uncle Rafe had volunteered to go on the Doolittle Raid, a suicide mission, leaving Aunt Evelyn behind. And somewhere in that time...Danny, my Danny, had been conceived.  
  
What a confusing time. This wasn't as simple as I had thought at first. 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
I had spent Thursday and Friday talking with mom, Aunt Evelyn, and Uncle Rafe. Their stories had confirmed what Daddy had already told me. No one seemed comfortable talking about their time at Pearl Harbor. Aunt Evelyn told me a hilarious story about how she met Uncle Rafe. What a goof. And learning about the Eagle Squadron and his escape from occupied France was fascinating. Uncle Rafe had never talked with me about it before. I knew that Danny and Sam knew all about it, but I had never been interested. Until now.  
  
His escape from occupied France sounded very dangerous. I asked him what motivated him to get home, instead of hiding out with the resistance for a while. He said it was Aunt Evelyn. She was the last thing he saw before he plunged into the water, and she was the reason he had to get home without delay. She was sitting next to him when he said that and I saw her carefully wipe away a tear. Whatever may have happened before, there was no doubt in my mind that they loved each other deeply now.  
  
It's funny, but through all my hunting and questioning, I never doubted the love between my parents; that Daddy might have married mom because he knew he couldn't have Aunt Evelyn. He and Aunt Evelyn were good friends, but I had never seen or heard anything to make me think there was anything but friendship between them. I knew that my parents loved each other, without question. It was actually sickening at times, but as I grew older I began to appreciate it more. It was the kind of love that I wanted. Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Rafe were no different; their love for each other was obvious for all to see.  
  
After all my questioning I spent a lot of time thinking about what I had learned, trying to sort the new information into a logical pattern. My guess was that Aunt Evelyn and Uncle Rafe had fallen in love, and when he got shot down she turned to my daddy, or he turned to her. Uncle Rafe was the only family that Daddy had, after all. Both Daddy and Aunt Evelyn admitted that seeing each other, at first, was very painful, but later it was a comfort to be able to share memories about Uncle Rafe. But now I was sure that memories weren't all they shared.  
  
I was excited about my smooth detective work. Nobody seemed to think my questions were out of line, or suspicious. Of course, I'm a great actress. I do a pretty good ingénue, if I do say so myself. Mom rarely fell for it, but I could always count on Daddy to believe me. I simply acted wide- eyed and interested, which wasn't very hard this time, because I truly was interested, and everyone fell for it. What they all went through before, during and after the attack was captivating. It was easy enough to slip in question about their friendships and feelings as they were telling me about everything else. I just made sure that I had an innocent look on my face whenever I asked something a little too personal. They usually answered it.  
  
But as excited as I was, I wasn't sure if or when I should tell Danny. What would he think? My first instinct was to run to him and tell him everything I had found out, but he hadn't been very talkative. Every time I went to talk to him, on the bus, at home, or at school, he would give me some excuse and walk off, or just ignore me. That wasn't like him. I thought it might be because I was seeing more of Thomas during and after school, but on Friday night I overheard a conversation that he had with Aunt Evelyn and I knew that the old woman's words weren't far from his mind, either.  
  
I had gone over to ask Aunt Evelyn a couple more questions about working in the hospital after the attack, though my real purpose was to find out some more information about what happened when Daddy and Uncle Rafe left for their training with Doolittle. Hearing Danny's loud voice in the kitchen I stopped in the shadows of the porch, not wanting to interrupt. He was not an angry person, and I had never heard him raise his voice to his mother, even in frustration.  
  
Aunt Evelyn was trying to explain how Uncle Rafe didn't want Danny to fly because he was concerned for his safety and didn't want to see him get hurt or worse. I could hear the regret in her voice. She knew this was causing Danny pain. But I could also hear her worry. I had thought I was going to be sick, watching his plane stall as he glided over the farm. He was my best friend. Aunt Evelyn had been watching her only child up there. I saw her break into tears twice, though she tried to hide it, in the days that followed Danny's stunt. She had had to live through Uncle Rafe and Daddy being shot down...I can't even imagine how horrible it must have been to think that it might happen to her son right in front of her. How would she have survived that?  
  
Danny had laughed humorlessly at her placating words. "Flying is the one thing I love to do...and he won't let me do it! How many times do I have to apologize?"  
  
"Danny, try to understand," Aunt Evelyn tried again. "He wants you to be safe. You're young...maybe we let you fly too soon..."  
  
"I bet Uncle Danny would have let Sam fly by now if the same thing had happened," Danny interrupted harshly.  
  
"We're not talking about Danny and Sam," Aunt Evelyn replied. "We're talking about you and your father. And I...."  
  
"Well, I wish Uncle Danny was my father!" Danny said. "At least then I'd get to fly!" I heard loud footsteps going up the stairs and then the slamming of his bedroom door.  
  
It was totally silent in the kitchen after Danny's abrupt exit. I couldn't see Aunt Evelyn's reaction because I was hidden in the darkness of the porch, but I heard the scrape of a chair and the sound of someone sitting down heavily. When I knocked on the door a few moments later, Aunt Evelyn looked pale and shaken. Danny's comment had obviously upset her. I didn't have the heart to ask her any more questions, so I made up a story about wanting to borrow a photo album. She waved me off to the living room. When I came back to leave, she hadn't moved. She just smiled weakly at me. I realized that I needed to talk to Danny soon.  
  
Would telling Danny what I had found out help him or hurt him more, I wondered. I wasn't sure. I couldn't relate to this situation at all. I had known since I was a little girl that Danny Walker, the man I called Daddy, wasn't my real father. My real father was named Michael Helmsford and he died in New York City a few months before my mother and I left China. My mom didn't like to talk about him, but Daddy had told me some. He also let me know that from the very beginning he had considered me his daughter and he had never treated me different.  
  
But, I realized, my situation was different than Danny's - if he really wasn't Uncle Rafe's son. I knew that my real father was dead and that even when he was alive he wasn't interested in being a father. My parentage was never kept a secret from me. But if what I suspected was true...then all the adults in our family had been living a lie, if not outright, then by omission. Danny's father wasn't some faceless dead guy, he was the man he called uncle.  
  
It wasn't until late Saturday afternoon that I was able to talk to him. He'd had a baseball game earlier that day, which we'd all gone to, of course. I had planned on walking home with him and talking to him then, but he must have slipped out while I was chatting with Thomas. By the time I got home he was nowhere to be found around the house or the barn, but that didn't worry me. I knew exactly where he was.  
  
Walking away from his house, I followed the well-worn path through the fields to the old swimming pond. I could hear the boys laughing and splashing. It was a warm May day. The sun was shinning and small clouds were skittering across the sky on a slight breeze, a perfect Tennessee day. A part of me wanted to put on my swimsuit and jump in with my brothers, maybe start up a game of Marco Polo like we used to. But the other part of me, the grown up part, didn't think it was such a good idea. I wasn't a child anymore; I was a young woman. Besides, I had other things on my mind. I needed to talk to Danny.  
  
Coming down the path, I entered the shady coolness of the little copse of trees, our special hiding place. "Hey," I said softly, a small smile crossing my face. He was exactly where I thought he'd be. We'd been coming here for years. The sun was low enough in the sky that the entire clearing was shady and cool. Danny was stretched out in the middle of the clearing, his arms pillowing his head. He looked up at the sky as if he didn't have a care in the world, but I knew better. 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
  
  
I didn't hear Grace walk into my little hiding place, but I wasn't surprised she came. She had changed clothes since I saw her at the ballpark a couple hours earlier. Gone was the pretty dress that swirled around her legs and her curly hair done up with ribbons. She'd put on a pair of petal pushers and one of my old t-shirts, her hair pulled back off her face into a ponytail. Finally she looked like the Grace I knew, not the pretty girl who had all the guys on the baseball team asking me questions about her.  
  
"Hey," I replied, not bothering to look over at her. It wasn't like I was mad at her, or anything. It was just that I'd been having a tough week and I really needed a best friend, but she'd been too busy with Thomas. She'd tried to talk to me a few times, sure, but she hadn't been very persistent. Usually, if I was reluctant to talk she would hound me until I gave in. She didn't even put up a fight this time. She had to know that my conversation with that old woman was bothering me, but she didn't have time to waste on me...especially when Thomas was around. Too bad I actually liked the guy, or I could have really hated him.  
  
Grace didn't take offense to my less than warm welcome, which was rather comforting. Instead she quietly walked over and lay down next to me. "You had a really good game today," she said after a few minutes silence. "That throw you made to second in the sixth inning was perfect."  
  
I was surprised that she had been paying attention to the game. Every time I saw her she was surrounded by people, laughing and chatting away. But I wasn't going to be won over that easily, so I remained silent.  
  
"How's your leg?" she finally asked, looking over at me.  
  
"Fine," I replied grudgingly. Actually it hurt like a son of a bitch, but I wasn't about to admit it.  
  
I heard her sigh lightly as she turned to watch the clouds float by. This was when she'd leave, I knew. All week, as long as I remained silent, she'd give up and go find Thomas. I didn't need her, I told myself. I didn't.  
  
"Thomas pitched a good game today," I said suddenly. Okay, maybe I did need her. I had missed her all week. Maybe I had pushed her away, but that didn't mean I didn't want her around. I just wanted the old Grace who would bug and pester me until I finally opened up and talked about what was bothering me...about that old woman...and that I suspected that she might me right. I could barely admit it to myself, but I knew Grace would make me. She always made me face reality. I'd come to expect that from her, and she'd let me down this week. Her social life was more important than me and my stupid worries. But if talking about Thomas kept her there for a bit longer, then I was willing to talk about him. I was lonely.  
  
I felt her eyes on me, but I refused to look. "Yes, he did," she agreed. "But it was your defense at the plate that won the game."  
  
That startled me. I looked over at her, trying to mask me shock. I had assumed she was totally focused on Thomas whenever she was watching the game. "Thanks," I said, a small grin crossing my face briefly. It felt good to be noticed.  
  
Grace smiled her motherly smile. The one that let me know that she knew exactly what I was thinking and was amused by it. "I may like Thomas," she said matter-of-factly, "but you are still my best friend." She rolled over onto her side and looked down at me. "Right?" she asked, poking me in the chest.  
  
I grinned up at her. "Yeah," I agreed, my voice cracking. I blushed, but Grace didn't comment. I almost felt like crying, I was so glad that she still thought of me as her best friend.  
  
Grace lay back down and we watched the clouds in companionable silence. It was almost like nothing had happened. As if those last few weeks were only a bad dream.  
  
"I'm sorry you can't take the plane up yet," Grace said, breaking the peaceful silence with a cold dash of reality.  
  
"You heard, huh?" I asked, frowning.  
  
"I was on the porch last night when you were talking with your mom," she told me.  
  
I was sorry she had heard that. Not one of my best moments. I kind of lost it. I knew that what I had said, about Uncle Danny, had hurt my mom. I wanted to take it back as soon as I said it, mainly because I didn't want to see that look on her face...the look that told me I might be right.  
  
"I thought...he...dad...would have calmed down by now. I don't know," I sighed. "Flying is the one thing I love to do...and he won't let me. We're always fighting. I don't know when I'll get to fly again." I could feel my throat tightening with the threat of tears. I had been holding this in for so long. I was frustrated and mad...and until now I had no one to talk to about it. I had talked to Uncle Danny in the beginning, but I just couldn't talk to him now, not after the old woman. Grace was my only other option, and she hadn't been interested...until now.  
  
Grace looked over at me. "It was a pretty stupid stunt you pulled. You scared us to death."  
  
I could only grimace. "I know." That's all I'd heard for weeks...that it was a stupid stunt, that I was lucky, etc, etc, until I wanted to scream. How many times did I have to apologize?  
  
"Uncle Rafe is just worried about you - he doesn't want you to get hurt," she pointed out, unnecessarily.  
  
"I know!" I replied in frustration. The last thing I needed then was one of her holier than thou lectures. "That's what mom said...and Uncle Danny...and Aunt Kate. But I'm a good pilot," I said hotly. "They know that. I know my limitations."  
  
"Do you?" Grace asked softly.  
  
Okay, I did not want this snooty Grace here. I wanted Grace - my best friend, not Grace the all knowing. "Jesus, you sound just like him," I said, sitting up abruptly. "Yes, I do. Okay? I do know my limitations. I'm not stupid!" I ran my hand through my hair in frustration. Suddenly it was all too much; being grounded, the old woman, Grace...I just didn't know what was happening in my life anymore.  
  
"What am I going to do?" I asked, my voice dropping to a plaintive whisper. I knew I was leaving myself wide open for Grace to act all high and mighty and explain everything to me like I was a child...but I almost wanted that. I wanted someone to tell me that everything was okay, that my life would be normal soon.  
  
Grace sat up. "About what?" she asked quietly.  
  
I shrugged helplessly. "You know, I keep hearing that old woman accuse me of lying. And then dad and I fight...and I can't help...wondering...if...."  
  
"She's right?" Grace finished, moving so that she was facing me.  
  
I felt my throat tighten spasmodically. "Yeah," I finally managed to answer. I looked up into her eyes, surprised to see how concerned she was.  
  
She watched me intently for a few moments, seeming to size me up. I tried not to flinch as she stared, the tears stinging the backs of my eyes. I wanted to cry like a baby, for some reason - if only to get rid of the tension that had been building up inside of me for the past week. Sighing softly, she seemed to make her decision. Reaching into her pocket she pulled out a small piece of paper.  
  
"I haven't been able to stop thinking of that old woman either," she said. "Here." She held out the paper for me to take. "I found this and I think you should see it."  
  
I took it, but couldn't bring myself to look at it. "What is it?" I asked suspiciously, almost afraid to look at it.  
  
"It's a picture," she stated, her eyes not leaving mine.  
  
"I can see that," I said wryly, keeping up a brave front as I glanced down at the old black and white photo. "What am I supposed to be seeing here?"  
  
"It's a picture of Daddy and Uncle Rafe when they were about your age," she stated.  
  
I steeled myself and looked again, seeing them standing in front of the old red bi plane, Grandpa Jake smiling next them, I shrugged. "Yeah, okay, it's them. Big deal." I tried to act cool, but my stomach had suddenly tied itself into knots. I didn't want to look any more, so I tried to hand it back to her. She didn't take it. Instead she handed me another picture. This one I recognized immediately. It was my school picture taken earlier that year. "It's a picture of me. So what?"  
  
I tried to hand them back to her again, my hand trembling slightly. There was a rushing sound in my ears and my heart was beating faster. I didn't want to look, I couldn't. I had seen enough and I wasn't ready. I thought I was, but I wasn't. I wanted more than anything to run away at that moment, but I couldn't, I was glued to that spot.  
  
"Danny look at them!" Grace urged me. Taking them from me she laid one over the other and held them in front of me. "Look!" she demanded.  
  
And so I did. She had overlaid my school picture so that Dad and Grandpa Jake were blocked out. Staring up at me from those photos were two...young boys who looked eerily similar, me and Uncle Danny. For a moment I thought I was going to be sick. I pursed my lips together and stared off into the trees. All week I had been unconsciously comparing myself to Uncle Danny and Matty. Depending on my mood I was either convinced that the old woman was crazy or that she was telling the truth. Now Grace held the proof and there was no arguing it.  
  
"So, the old lady was right," I said hoarsely, blinking back tears.  
  
Grace nodded. "It looks that way."  
  
I continued to stare off into the trees, trying to get my emotions under control. My heart was pounding so loudly I was surprised that Grace didn't hear it. "So they've been lying to me my whole life," I said bitterly.  
  
"I don't think they were lying...." Grace began.  
  
"Then what the hell do you call it?" I asked harshly, launching myself off the ground. I began to pace up and down the small clearing, trying to find some way to get my mind to accept this new truth. "The man I call Dad isn't really my dad...and the man I call Uncle...." I stopped, shaking my head; pressing my fingers into my eyes I tried to stop myself from crying. This was a nightmare.  
  
"I just meant I don't think they meant to keep this from you forever," Grace said, watching me from the ground as I began pacing again. I snorted in response. "Really," she continued. "They haven't really lied about anything...they've just omitted certain details and we assumed..."  
  
I stopped and stared at her incredulously. Was she crazy? "Yeah, they just 'omitted' who my father really was," I snapped. "That's a pretty big lie."  
  
"It was all there," Grace persisted, defending them. "We just didn't do the math...we didn't figure it out until now. If they were really not going to tell you then they would have lied about the rest of the stuff."  
  
I stared down at her with a bewildered expression on my face. What was she talking about? What didn't they lie about? And what the hell did math have to do with anything?  
  
"They lied to me. How was I supposed to know who my father was...I trusted them...and they..." I couldn't finish. As if I had been punched in the gut, I suddenly felt the force of my parent's betrayal. I felt like I was going to be sick again.  
  
"Bear with me," Grace said, holding up her hand for my attention. "I did a little research this week...asked a few questions. How much do you know about how your mom and dad met? And when they dated during the war?"  
  
Research? She did research? That surprised me.  
  
"Which dad?" I asked derisively, but Grace continued to stare at me. "I don't know!" I finally snapped. "What has that got to do with this?" I knew a lot about the attack on Pearl and the Doolittle raid. Dad...Rafe...and Uncle...Danny had told me about it. Every boy goes through his war phase, but I didn't know anything about when my...mom and Rafe dated.  
  
"Everything, Danny. It has everything to do with it," she declared, getting up and coming to stand by me. "What do you know?"  
  
"I don't know!" I snapped again. I didn't have time for this. My world was falling apart and Grace was talking about math and my parent's love life.  
  
"Think," she snapped back. "Tell me what you know."  
  
I sighed in frustration. "They all met during flight physicals...mom was a nurse. Da...Rafe flunked the eye exam, but she felt sorry for him and passed him."  
  
"When?" Grace asked. "Do you know the date?"  
  
"No," I replied, shaking my head. I had no idea where she was going with all this, but it seemed important to her. "Sometime before he went to England, I'd guess," I said sarcastically.  
  
"What else do you know?" she prodded.  
  
I sighed. She just wasn't going to give up. "Mom was transferred to Hawaii...and so was...Unc...your dad. Dad...Rafe...was shot down and had to escape from Occupied France. He and your dad were the only two pilots to get into the air during the Japanese attack, then they volunteered for the raid on Tokyo...where your dad got shot...and Rafe came home...." I shrugged, my confusion beginning to overwhelm me. I didn't know what to call anyone anymore.  
  
"And then you were born..." she said softly.  
  
I was loosing my patience. "Yeah, so? Look, Grace, where are you going with this, because I have more things on my mind than..."  
  
"Shut up and listen to me," she interrupted, her voice no nonsense. "I knew you'd be upset when you saw those pictures...the resemblance is obvious, so I did some research...so you'd have all the facts and wouldn't go flying off at the handle." I looked at her impatiently, crossing my arms across my chest. She knew that I wasn't the type to do that. "Okay," she admitted. "I didn't think you'd go crazy when you saw, but I knew you'd be hurt and confused.... and I wanted to try to get as much of the story as possible...without having it censored, or abridged." She looked up at me, her eyes bright with compassion.  
  
"What did you do?" I finally asked.  
  
She smiled slightly. "I pretended that I had to write a family history paper based on the war. And then I asked Daddy and Uncle Rafe and Aunt Evelyn all kinds of questions. I didn't know if the old woman was right or not, but once I saw that picture...I had a feeling she was...and I wanted to find out the truth. I knew you wouldn't go looking for it...at least not yet...and I didn't want you to be miserable wondering if she was right or not."  
  
"Oh, yes, it's much better now," I scoffed.  
  
She looked up at me, easily seeing through my bravado. "Wouldn't you rather know the truth and deal with it...then be wondering for weeks on end...never quite sure?" she asked quietly.  
  
Closing my eyes, I nodded. "I'd rather know," I agreed softly. "It's just hard..." Opening up my eyes, I looked at her, seeing the concern in her eyes. "Now tell me how my parents didn't lie to me."  
  
"I didn't mean they didn't lie," she hedged, "I just meant that they didn't mean to lie to you forever. They just omitted certain...things. But I think that they would have told you eventually, or else they would have lied about everything else, which they didn't...so it wasn't really a real lie...it's was a lie of omission...and we could have figured it out but we just never did the math."  
  
There she went with the math again. "Grace, you are not making a lick of sense. A lie is a lie," I told her. "And they lied to me...my whole life...you can't deny that."  
  
"I just...." she began, but then stopped. Shaking her head she made me sit down again. "I'm just saying that things got really complicated and maybe one thing lead to another...and they probably always meant to tell you, but the time just never seemed right." I opened my mouth to say something, but Grace held up her hand. "Just listen to what I have to say, okay?"  
  
"Okay," I agreed.  
  
She took a moment to compose herself, and then she finally began. "Okay, here's the basics of what I learned. Daddy and Uncle Rafe met Aunt Evelyn in December 1940. Uncle Rafe joined the Eagle Squadron in January 1941 and Daddy and Aunt Evelyn were transferred to Pearl Harbor separately early that spring. Uncle Rafe was shot down in June and presumed dead. He didn't show up until the night before the attack on Pearl Harbor...did you know that?" she asked, an excited gleam in her eyes.  
  
I shrugged. "Yeah, I knew it."  
  
"You did?" she asked, looking disappointed. "Then you really could have figured it out for yourself."  
  
"What?" I couldn't help asking. "How could I have known Rafe wasn't my father?"  
  
"Uncle Rafe came to Pearl Harbor on December 6th...until then Daddy and Aunt Evelyn thought he was dead. And you were born in July 1942..." she trailed off looking at me expectantly.  
  
I had no idea what she was getting at. "What is your point Grace?" I asked, my frustration rising. "We know all this. It's old news."  
  
"Yes it is," Grace agreed, nodding her head. "We've heard it before. When I talked to them...they each told me basically the same thing...the same dates...everything."  
  
"So?" I asked.  
  
Grace rolled her eyes. "So, they never planned to lie to you forever...I'm sure they were going to tell you."  
  
I could only stare at her blankly. Normally Grace made sense, but right then my life was being turned upside down and she was babbling about dates and math. I still had no idea what she meant.  
  
"Don't you get it?" Grace asked impatiently. "You were born July 30, 1942 and Uncle Rafe didn't get back until December 6th! He couldn't have been your father, unless you were born extremely premature...which you weren't. You were seven pounds, I checked. That's not even close to premature."  
  
"How can you be so sure?" I asked. I was beginning to see where she was going with this, but no matter what, the bottom line was that they had lied to me and I wanted to know why.  
  
"How many brothers do I have?" Grace huffed. "Honestly, don't you pay attention in health class? It takes nine months for a baby to be born - that's forty weeks. If you count back from your birthday it means that you were conceived sometime in late October or early November. A month before Uncle Rafe showed up.  
  
I thought about it. The picture seemed proof enough, but this was hard evidence. It made sense. "Okay, so Dad...Rafe...can't be my father and your dad is," I stated evenly.  
  
"Probably," Grace agreed.  
  
The anger and indignation was still inside me, upset over the fact that I had been lied to for so long, but now something else was beginning to overshadow my initial reaction. They had lied to me...outright, or by omission, it didn't matter to me, but now I began to wonder why. Why hadn't they told me? What had happened to make my mom go from one man to the other?  
  
I looked up at Grace; the tears suddenly back in my eyes. "Why?" I asked plaintively, hating myself for sounding so needy. "What happened...why did they let me believe...?" I was hoping that Grace had the answers, because I sure didn't.  
  
Grace shook her head sadly. "I don't really know. That's the one question I couldn't ask them," she said. She paused for a moment, letting me collect myself. "They thought Daddy died in China," she pointed out.  
  
"So, Rafe comes home and marries his best friend's girl because she's pregnant?" I asked bitterly. I had never thought much about how my parents met, or when they dated. It never mattered to me before. But it did now. Who dated who first, I wondered.  
  
"Maybe," Grace agreed, sadly. "Being an unwed mother...it's not a good thing...and Daddy and Uncle Rafe are like brothers..." she pointed out.  
  
"So what about when Unc...he came home?" I asked, running my hand through my hair. There was a sick feeling in my stomach. "He and your mom were already engaged." How had this happened, I couldn't help wondering? How could I be fathered by one man, yet raised by another, even though my real father was literally next-door?  
  
"Mom was pregnant with Sam," Grace said quietly.  
  
I couldn't stop myself from flinching. "Yeah, okay." I took a deep breath to control my pounding heart and force my stomach back down from my throat. "So...he...wakes up in China and forgets all about my mom and me? Is that it? Didn't he care about us at all?"  
  
"That doesn't sound like Daddy," Grace defended, and I had to admit that a part of me agreed with her, but I just didn't understand how he could be my father and yet not even try to claim me. "He might not have known about...you."  
  
I thought about that for a moment. The idea that he might not have known about me...it was kind of comforting, in an odd way. Then it wasn't like he abandoned me, though it still didn't explain why he let me spend my whole life calling him uncle. "Why wouldn't he have known?" I asked. As much as I liked the idea, I wasn't at all sure that it was realistic. "They didn't ship out until January or February. That's two and a half, three months." I saw the look sadness in her eyes and I turned away, not wanting her to see the tears in mine. "Am I a mistake?" I whispered, finally voicing my most feared thought. "Am I...?"  
  
"Danny stop!" Grace interrupted, rising from the ground to stand beside me. I could feel her hand, cold against the warm skin of my arm. "We don't know what happened back then. There was a war and..."  
  
"And my mom was sleeping with one guy and then she marries another," Danny said bitterly. "I could understand that, almost, since they thought he was dead...but what about when he came home?"  
  
"Uncle Rafe and Aunt Evelyn were already married by then...." Grace said rationally.  
  
"Yeah, and my...father...had a girlfriend and a baby on the way." I could feel my chest beginning to heave as I fought for breath, my anger rising again. Why had they kept me in the dark? Didn't I have a right to know who my father really was? Why had they lied to me for so long? I glared over at Grace. "You've known he wasn't your father your whole life! But no one tells me. He lives right next door, on the same goddamn farm, and everyone let's me go on believing...." The anger suddenly left me and I hung my head. "Didn't he want me?" I couldn't help whispering, feeling a lone tear slide down my face.  
  
Grace pulled me towards her, her arms wrapping around my waist. She was so tiny pressed up against me, her head not even reaching my shoulder, but she felt so very strong. I remained as still as possible, but her grip tightened and I finally gave in. With a small sob I wrapped my arms around her, burying my head in her hair as I let my tears fall.  
  
"Of course he wanted you," Grace reassured me, her hands stroking up and down my back. "Daddy loves you...just like he loves me and Sam and Josh and Matty and Drew and Eva. He's always been there for you."  
  
"Then why didn't I know?" I sniffed, my voice cracking again.  
  
Through my own despair, I began to feel the wetness on my shirtfront and realized that Grace was crying too. "I don't know, Danny," she finally admitted. "I don't know. All we can do is ask."  
  
I hugged her tightly for a moment more before stepping away, my resolve suddenly strong. "Yeah, okay," I agreed, wiping my eyes. "Let's go." Without looking at her I strode quickly out of the clearing and up the path towards home.  
  
"Where are you going?" she called after me.  
  
"To ask some questions," I replied over my shoulder, my strides lengthening in my hurry to get some answers.  
  
"Who are you going to ask?" Grace asked me when she finally managed to catch up.  
  
"My father," I replied over my shoulder, not bothering to slow my steps to accommodate her shorter legs, as I usually would have done.  
  
Grace pointed to the fields behind us. "I think Uncle Rafe's working over in the...."  
  
"Not him," I interrupted shortly. "My real father." I was determined to find out the truth. I wanted to know why I hadn't been told who my real father was. I wanted to know why he didn't want me.  
  
"Oh, okay," Grace said, a bit shocked by my sudden decision. I was usually the one to think things over before diving in, but I wanted answers now. I didn't want to wait. "Wouldn't you rather talk to your mom first?" she asked hesitantly.  
  
"No, mom would just make me wait for da...Rafe," I told her. "I want to know now."  
  
It didn't take us long to reach the barn at the pace I was going. Before I had a chance to really think about what I wanted to say, I was standing in the gloomy darkness. I could hear muffled words and the clanking of tools as my...father...worked on the old plane. Now that I was here, I didn't know what to do.  
  
My momentum carried me all the way into the barn next to the plane, Grace panting slightly beside me. I could feel her concerned gaze on me as she waited for me to say something. I couldn't. I could only stare at the plane, my father's legs visible on the other side. How many times had I been in this very barn, working with him on this very plane? We had talked for hours in here about nothing and everything. It had always been easier to talk to him than to...Rafe. Whenever I had a problem, this is where I would come. And all that time, all those years...I wasn't talking to my uncle...I was talking to my father. How could I not have known that? And how could I face him now, knowing that he had...lied to me for so long.  
  
I had just made up my mind to leave when Grace spoke.  
  
"Hi Daddy," she called, her voice echoing loudly in the enclosed area.  
  
Ducking down under the plane, he smiled at us. "Hi Grace, Danny. Just the two people I was looking for," he said, wiping his hands on a dirty rag.  
  
Grace glanced up at me, waiting for me to say something. I watched as my father looked from one of us to the other, his smile fading slightly. "Is something wrong?" he finally asked, coming to stand in front of us. The similarities were obvious to me now, and I kicked myself for not noticing before.  
  
"No, nothing," Grace replied, her voice a bit higher than usual. I guess she was feeling the tension as much as I was. "Why'd you want us?" she asked.  
  
The frown on my father's face deepened as he looked at us. "Well," he began slowly. "Your mom was just in here looking for you Grace. She wants you to take Eva swimming." Grace opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off. "It's not too much to ask and I don't think Thomas will be coming by the house today, so you don't have to worry about your hair," he teased, but Grace didn't even rise to the bait.  
  
She looked over at me before responding. As much as I wanted her there to support me, I knew this was something I had to do on my own. I nodded stiffly, letting her know that I would be all right.  
  
"Okay," she sighed. "What did you want Danny for?"  
  
His eyes shifted from Grace to me. "I was hoping he could help me out on the plane," he said, the frown between his eyes deepening. "What do you say, Danny boy? Could you lend me a hand?"  
  
I looked at him for a long moment, willing my mind to work. "Sure," I finally responded in a flat voice, my heart pounding loudly in my ears. It was time to talk. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
I didn't watch Grace leave the barn, my eyes were focused on my father. It was like extreme tunnel vision. Everything else around me was fuzzy and indistinct, but I saw every detail of him, from his well-worn khaki pants with the ripped knee to his grease stained t-shirt - his usual attire when working on the plane. But it was his face I concentrated on most. How had I not noticed the similarities before? Now it seems so obvious. There were wrinkles around his eyes and his dimples were deeper when he smiled due to the laugh lines around his mouth, but he still looked like me...or, rather, I looked like him. The only obvious difference was that my hair was much darker.  
  
I thought of all the days I spent working in here beside him. All the long conversations we had. I told him everything. We talked about school, baseball, my parents, Grace - we'd even had a couple conversations about girls. I liked talking to him. He never judged me and he rarely offered me advice unless I specifically asked. Mostly he just listened while I talked. He'd ask me a few questions, maybe, but that was it. When I left I always felt better. It wasn't like talking to my dad...Rafe. Rafe and I talked, but it was different. Rafe always wanted to solve my problems. He was full of advice and useful suggestions, which I didn't necessarily want. And lets face it, I couldn't complain about my parents to him. Uncle Danny...Danny...was the best guy friend I had.  
  
"I'll be at the swimming pond," Grace's words interrupted my reverie.  
  
I frowned. "Yeah, okay." My heart was pounding loudly in my ears and my palms were sweaty. The sooner she left, the sooner we could get started. I was determined to find out why; why I wasn't told and, more importantly, why he didn't want me.  
  
I watched him watch Grace leave, a frown flitting across his face. We even frowned the same way, I noticed. He knew something was wrong. Grace never babysat without making some kind of protest and I was usually more enthusiastic about working on the plane. I tried to relax a little bit, but it wasn't possible, all my muscles were coiled like a spring.  
  
Once Grace was gone he turned his attention to me. It was strange, but I was still in so much shock that I didn't know what to think of him as. Uncle Danny was just wrong... I wasn't going to continue to add to the lie, but I couldn't think of him as 'Dad' either. I settled on thinking of him as just Danny, even though it felt weird. Years of habit were hard to break.  
  
"So," he began, walking back over to the plane. "How're you doing, Danny? How's your leg?"  
  
"Fine," I replied, not moving to follow. He was acting like he always did - asking questions to draw me out, using the plane as a distraction, but I wasn't going to play along this time. This time he was going to be the one to talk and I was going to be the one to ask the questions.  
  
"Bruised?" he tried again, stifling a frown.  
  
I shrugged. "A bit."  
  
"It was a great save," he remarked, smiling up at me as he squatted to dig in the toolbox. "You had a hell of a game today."  
  
Any other time I would have been thrilled to hear him say that, but baseball no longer mattered to me. I shrugged again. "I guess."  
  
I watched him silently dig through the toolbox. I knew it was a pretense. He was just trying to figure out what was bothering me.  
  
"I'm sorry about you still being grounded," he said, looking up at me. "I know it might seem harsh, but Rafe only wants you safe."  
  
Here was the opening I was looking for. I cocked my head to the side, looking at him speculatively. "Do you think he's being too harsh?" I finally asked.  
  
"Well, it's not really my place...." he replied, glancing away from me briefly, the tools forgotten.  
  
"But if..." I began slowly, my heart speeding up, "if you were...my...father," I swallowed nervously, watching him, "would you have grounded me for so long?"  
  
He stood up slowly, his eyes avoiding my stare. "Rafe's just doing what he thinks is best," he said, his eyes focused not on me, but the wrench in his hand. "I know he talked it over with your mom," he looked over and offered me a shaky smile. "It's not really my place to interfere."  
  
"Isn't it?" I asked him softly, causing his head to whip up sharply. Despite my own erratically beating heart I pressed on, knowing that this was my one chance of getting the whole unabridged truth. I did my best to remain calm as I continued. "Last week at Tildy's Grace and I met someone who said they knew you when you were a kid. She said she was the librarian."  
  
He looked away again, clearing his throat uncomfortably, his hand running through his hair, standing it on end. He knew what was coming, I could tell, but he still tried to stall. "Short? Grey hair, dark eyes....uses a cane?" he asked, his voice hoarse. I nodded once. "That would be Mrs. Gorf. I can't believe she's still alive. You know," he offered, "she's not as mean as she might seem."  
  
"She accused me of lying," I told him, not caring what the old buzzard might be like. "She wouldn't believe me when I said that Matty and Drew weren't my brothers. She wouldn't believe Grace, either. She said I was just like my father…I looked like him...even read like him," I tried to stay calm, but my voice was rising, my anger at her, and him, showing itself. "I told her my father doesn't even like to read; that he would never step foot into a library," my voice began to shake. "But she just laughed. She just laughed at me with this look in her eyes....." angrily I swiped at my eyes, not wanting to breakdown before I got my answers.  
  
He just stared at my for a minute, his eyes incredibly sad...because I was obviously upset or because I had finally figured it out, I wasn't sure. "Danny," he began hesitantly, glancing behind me, looking for reinforcements probably. "Rafe and your mom...."  
  
I started laughing nervously, the stress finally getting to me. "'Rafe and your mom,'" I repeated harshly. "It's never 'your father' or 'your dad.' It's always Rafe," I accused bitterly. "I never realized it before, but you've never called him my father, at least not that I can remember. Never." I wiped away another tear. Reaching into my pocket I pulled out the pictures Grace had given to me earlier. "Grace did some looking around and she found these," I held them out to him.  
  
Slowly he walked over and took them from me, his eyes never leaving my face. I was somewhat gratified to see his hand tremble slightly as he held them. "So, Grace wasn't working on a history paper," he said wryly, grinning weakly at me before he looked at the pictures. He sighed deeply before looking up at me. "I don't know what to say," he finally admitted.  
  
My heart beating loudly, I asked him the question that had been haunting me for the past weeks. "Are you my...father?" I asked, my voice hoarse with unshed tears.  
  
He glanced away from me and my heart almost stopped. Would he continue to lie to me or would he try to buy himself more time? I didn't think I could handle it if he lied to me yet again. I had always come to him when I needed answers. I had always trusted him. That trust had already been damaged, anything else and it would be irreparable, and I didn't know if I could stand that.  
  
Luckily I didn't have to worry because, before my heart totally stopped, he nodded. "Yes," he answered softly, looking me right in the eye.  
  
We stood staring at each other for what seemed like a long time. My eyes were burning, my heart was pounding and I felt the sudden urge to throw up. Then my ears started buzzing and I thought I might actually pass out. It reminded me of the time I fell out of the old climbing tree when I was nine and dislocated my shoulder. Unc...Danny had been the one to reach me first after Grace went running home. I didn't start crying until I saw him coming. And when he finally reached me, I remember feeling immensely relieved...and then the buzzing started and I passed out. Mom said it was because I was in shock from the pain.  
  
Well, I was in shock and in pain now, though it was of a different, emotional sort. I would have gladly borne the physical pain to make this all go away. All the evidence had pointed to this truth, but to have it so easily confirmed.... I had thought that I was ready, but I wasn't. I could feel my world crumbling and shifting under my feet. Nothing was ever going to be the same again.  
  
He watched me closely, cataloging all the emotions that crossed my face. At one point he took a step towards me, his hand out to... comfort me possibly. I didn't know and I didn't care. I backed away from him, the feelings of betrayal still strong. He had lied to me. They all had, but he the most. He had sat here in this very hangar and pretended to be my friend...the one person I could tell everything to. But he wasn't my friend...he was my father. I had thought that we never kept secrets from each other. I never did. When he asked me who broke the plate glass window in their house I told him it was me...even though I told everyone else, including Rafe that I didn't know. When I asked him where babies came from, or why Mrs. Barret had left Mr. Barret - he explained it all to me. We had trust. We were friends. And now....  
  
"Danny, say something," he pleaded with me.  
  
"Why?" I whispered. "Why didn't anyone tell me? Why?" I asked, my voice gaining a bit more strength as anger surged through me once again. "Grace has known all along that you weren't her father - and her father is dead! You live right next door - and no one tells me anything." Tears began to flow down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them anymore. "Didn't you want me?" I asked brokenly. "Didn't you...love...me?" I whispered. Honestly, I didn't doubt his love now, but then...when he came back...wasn't I good enough? For him to turn his back on his own son...me... I just didn't understand.  
  
"Oh god," he whispered, as he moved towards me, pulling me into his arms. I weakly resisted, but he held me tight. As much as I might have hated him then, I wanted to be held, to be reassured that he loved me; that he had always loved me. I cried brokenly against his neck, his pounding heart echoing through me. "I've always loved you. And I've always wanted you," he told me, hugging me tightly, his own tears wetting my neck.  
  
I pulled away self consciously, wiping at my tears. "Then why didn't you tell me?" I asked. "Why did you let me believe that Rafe was my father?"  
  
He looked away for a moment, wiping at his own tears. "Because Rafe is your father," he said sadly. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
I watched the shock and confusion cross his young face, the tears still silently falling as he stood tall in front of me, demanding answers to questions that he had every right to ask. As odd as it might sound, I was proud of him at that moment. It couldn't have been easy to come in and confront me as calmly and coolly as he did. I'd imagine that most kids would have come in ranting and raving, demanding and accusing; but not my Danny. Even though his voice rose at times, even though it shook with anger, he still approached me with respect...and, I hoped fervently, with love.  
  
I was so damn sorry I hurt him. I could see it in his brown eyes as they stared at me, desiring answers, but still afraid of what they might be. I had a feeling from the moment he and Grace had walked into the barn that something big was going on. I'd had an unsettled feeling ever since Grace and I had talked about my time at Pearl. She was a clever one. While I had felt uncomfortable at times, she never pressed hard enough to make me suspicious of her motives.  
  
Truth was, I had been thinking about Danny all week. We, Rafe, Evelyn and I, had always planned on telling him the truth, but the time just never seemed right. And as the years passed and Evelyn was unable to become pregnant, I just couldn't see pushing the issue. I didn't want to cause Rafe any more pain by taking away the only son he had, so I settled for being his friend.  
  
I was proud of the relationship I had with Danny. It was much easier to be a friend than to be a parent. I was the one he came to whenever something was bothering him. I had chalked it up to like personalities, but still...he came to me...not Rafe. It was the one thing that was just ours.  
  
Still, we should have told him sooner. It might not have mitigated the pain he was so obviously going through now, but at least if we would have told him he wouldn't have had to wonder if I had...wanted and loved him. If only he knew how much I did. How much I had thought of him, and watched over him. It hadn't been easy for me to step aside and let Rafe be his father. I couldn't expect that Danny would understand that, but I knew I had to try. This wonderful, intelligent, and caring boy had to know that he was loved and cherished everyday of his life...by me and by Rafe.  
  
Bewildered, he shook his head at me, silently repeating my words. "But you just said.... I don't understand." The hostility had momentarily left his face. My words had confused him and why wouldn't they? They were in total contradiction to what I had just admitted. But as contradictory as they might have sounded, it was true. There was more to being a father than biology.  
  
"I know," I responded, running a hand over my face. I wasn't ready to talk about this. I didn't know what to say...to make things better.… And I definitely didn't want to make them worse. "It's complicated. Things between me and Rafe...and your mom back then were very...complicated." I was beginning to sound like a broken record, but what other word could describe our situation? There was nothing normal or conventional about it. I looked around trying to figure out what to do. "Look, your mom should be home from the hospital soon. We can go get Rafe and we can all....."  
  
"No," Danny said, shaking his head emphatically. "I want to know now. I want to know why you let me believe that...Rafe...was my father. Why you all lied to me."  
  
"Okay," I agreed slowly, seeing the determination in his young eyes. Prolonging this would only make it worse, I realized. As much as I wanted Rafe and Evelyn to be there I was going to have to go it alone. "Let's sit down and talk. I'll tell you...whatever I can," I hedged, knowing that as much as I wanted to tell him whatever he wanted to know, some things weren't mine to tell. Only Rafe and Evelyn could explain their sides of the story.  
  
Danny nodded, accepting my invitation, and walked towards the back wall where Rafe had put some old easy chairs. The upholstery was torn in places and stuffing was coming out of the arms, but they were comfortable enough. My throat tightened as I sat down, thinking of all the conversations we'd had in those very chairs. Just two weeks before we had talked about his little stunt in the plane. He couldn't fully understand Rafe's strong reaction and why he was being ignored and needed someone to talk to about it.  
  
No one had been prepared for Rafe's reaction, actually, though Evelyn and I could at least understand it a bit.  
  
Once his initial anger had been spent Rafe had been unable to talk to Danny. This confused the boy, of course. I did my best to try to explain the situation to him, but I don't know if he truly understood how traumatic it was for Rafe; watching someone he loved dearly crash - again.  
  
We had all been scared to death, watching Danny try and repeatedly fail to restart the plane. Rafe and I had been working in the hangar that afternoon. Danny had come in earlier, begging to be able to dust the near field. Neither Rafe nor I thought anything of it. He'd been flying solo since he was 12, though for only short flights within sight distance of the farm. He'd be up and back down in 10 minutes, or so we thought.  
  
I remember smiling at Rafe as we listened to the plane take off, both of us proud of what a natural flyer he was. Then Sam came into the hangar complaining that Danny was doing stunts. Danny, Sam and Grace knew that they weren't allowed to do stunts unless either Rafe or I were with them. I was surprised by Danny's actions, but I didn't want to encourage Sam's habit of tattling. A rule is a rule, though, and Rafe and I moved outside the barn to see if we could catch him in the act.  
  
That's when we heard the heart stopping sound of the plane stalling. Time seemed to slow as we scanned the sky. My first thought, once I spotted him high to the south, was 'thank God he has altitude.' I was immediately terrified - that was my son up there - but still hopeful. Danny was a good pilot. Both Rafe and I had drilled him on what to do in case something like this actually happened. I had even purposely stalled the plane and let him recover, just in case. He'd been calm and cool, and he'd done it. I prayed that he'd be able to do it this time, without me there to back him up.  
  
I glanced briefly over at Rafe, who was mumbling under his breath. I could only catch a few words, but those were revealing enough. "Jesus...no...not again...level off...Danny...Jesus!...pull the choke...again!....come on...Oh Jesus....please....." His eyes remained focused on the plane the whole time, not once letting it out of his sight. From somewhere behind me I vaguely recognized Evelyn's choked scream. She was 20 feet away from me, but it might as well have been miles. My whole being was focused on the plane gliding above me. I stood there and prayed silently beside Rafe. "Jesus...Please..."  
  
My heart had almost stopped beating by the time the plane finally sputtered to life. I glanced over at Rafe, his face still as pale as death, his eyes squeezed shut tight as he whispered, "thank you, thank you," repeatedly.  
  
Danny landed without a problem, the wide grin on his face evidence of how proud he was of himself. What pilot wouldn't have been? As kids, Rafe and I had pulled off many dangerous stunts that, had his father known, would have left us grounded for life, not to mention unable to sit down for days. But Danny wasn't us - he was our son. And we weren't the same kids we used to be. We had lived through combat, seen our friends shot down and killed. We knew what it meant to crash a plane and it was not something we ever wanted to see again; especially not in our own backyard, and not with Danny in the plane.  
  
Rafe was halfway to the plane before I had recovered enough to move. I glanced briefly back at Evelyn. Seeing Kate and Grace with her, I quickly jogged after Rafe.  
  
"Dad! Did you see that?" Danny crowed proudly. "Did you see, Uncle Danny?" He quickly clambered down, pulling off his goggles and looked at us expectantly, a wide smile on his face. It slowly faded as we stared at him silently.  
  
Neither Rafe nor I could say anything at first. I was far too relieved to have him safely on the ground. I wanted to run to him and hug him, just to reassure myself that he was truly alright, but Rafe stood between us and from the look on his face I knew that he was about to explode.  
  
"Just what in the hell did you think you were doing up there!" Rafe bellowed as he marched up to Danny. "What were you thinking?"  
  
Danny backed up a step, looking bewilderingly between Rafe and myself, obviously shocked by the depth of Rafe's anger. "I...I...was trying to...restart...the plane," he stuttered, not taking his eyes off Rafe. "I did just like you guys taught me...."  
  
"What were you doing up there?" Rafe asked again, not listening to Danny's words. He took another step towards him, trying to be intimidating. It didn't quite work out the way he planned though. While Rafe was larger in frame, Danny stood just as tall as he did, which left them staring eyeball to eyeball.  
  
Danny glanced around nervously. Rafe didn't get mad very often, but it was obvious that he was well beyond mad now. His face was bright red, his fists were clenched tightly and his eyes were practically bulging from their sockets. "I was just dusting the field...." Danny offered meekly, looking over at me briefly, before focusing on Rafe again.  
  
"'Just dusting the field,'" Rafe mocked, his face turning redder as he took another step forward, backing Danny against the plane. "Just dusting the field and the plane happens to stall?" He prodded Danny in the chest with a finger. "Or were you doing stunts? Huh, Danny?" he poked again. "Is that what you were doing? When you know it's not allowed?" Rafe's voice was rising and I could tell from the way Danny flinched that Rafe was jabbing him harder with each question he asked.  
  
I reached a hand out, placing it on Rafe's shoulder, trying to calm him down. I could feel his coiled and trembling muscles. "Rafe," I said softly. He didn't so much as acknowledge that I had spoken. "Rafe," I said louder. "Give him some space."  
  
Wildly he turned to face me, his eyes flashing angrily. "I...let me handle this," he said through clenched teeth.  
  
I took a step back, not sure if he was angry with Danny or with me too. I held my hands out wide. "Of course... just give him some space. Let him explain. I know you're upset...we all are...but we just need to calm down." It was hard for me to not interfere, even after all these years. I wanted to sit and talk to Danny, but it wasn't my place. I had relinquished it years ago, and it still pained me.  
  
Rafe made an effort to calm himself, taking a deep breath. "So, explain," he barked at Danny, turning back around to face him.  
  
Danny swallowed. "I...I was...finished dusting.." he began hesitantly, watching Rafe warily. "And I was just going to do a roll...or two... and the plane...stalled...I didn't think..."  
  
"That's exactly right," Rafe interrupted. "You didn't think." His hand came up, pointing at Danny's chest, but he consciously brought it back down to his side, his fist clenched tightly. "Are you supposed to be doing stunts when you're flying solo?" Rafe asked. Danny shook his head. "Answer me!" Rafe barked.  
  
"No, sir," Danny replied, staring down at his shoes.  
  
"But you did it anyways..."  
  
"Yes, sir."  
  
"Why?" Rafe snapped.  
  
Danny jumped slightly at Rafe's sharp tone, his shoulders hunching defensively. "I...I...well..." he stammered, trying to look at Rafe, but failing. "I didn't think..."  
  
"You could have been killed!" Rafe yelled at him. "You were just fooling around. You don't fool around in a plane, Danny. You know that. Don't you listen to anything?"  
  
"I listen," Danny protested, his head popping up to look at us. "I listen to everything you and Uncle Danny tell me."  
  
"Obviously not," Rafe scoffed.  
  
"I do!" Danny argued. "I know I'm not supposed to do stunts without one of you with me, but I did and I'm sorry," he said contritely, his eyes pleading for Rafe to soften a little bit. "But I've done them before and nothing ever happened."  
  
Rafe crossed his arms forbiddingly across his chest. "Well, this time it did," he said nastily. "All it takes is one mistake and you're dead, Danny. If you can't take flying seriously....."  
  
"I do take it seriously," Danny countered, his face beginning to redden. "I shouldn't've done the rolls, but it wasn't like I was trying to do an outside loop...or...or...dive bombing the barn! The plane stalled. I don't know why, but I recovered. I did just what you and Uncle Danny taught me to do...and I landed safely....I'm sorry...I...."  
  
Rafe ran a hand roughly over his face. "You scared us to death. Me...Danny....your mother," his voice began to tremble. "I won't live through that again...I can't..." Rafe's voice broke. Danny looked at him, a confused expression on his face. He couldn't understand Rafe's sudden change in moods. But I did.  
  
After a moment, Rafe collected himself and looked up at Danny, his eyes hard. "No more flying."  
  
"But...Dad..." Danny sputtered. Rafe held up his hand to stop Danny from saying more.  
  
"Don't argue with me Danny. I don't know how long or...if.… when you can fly again. You need to think about your actions...."  
  
"But Dad!"  
  
"Damn it Danny! Don't argue with me!" Rafe barked. "For now you are on extra chore duty. You go to school, you can play ball, and then you come home and see to your chores. I'll make a list of them for tomorrow." Rafe sighed, rubbing his eyes wearily. "Until then.… Just go. I don't want to see you."  
  
"Dad..." Danny began hesitantly, glancing beseechingly at me, though I didn't know how to help him.  
  
"Just go, Danny," Rafe said tiredly, not bothering to look up.  
  
Silently Danny began walking away. I tried to smile at him, to let him know that I was relieved that he was okay. I was still too shaken by his close call and by how much it had affected Rafe. "Go see your mom," I told him, resting my hand on his shoulder briefly. "I think she needs to make sure you're really all right."  
  
Danny nodded as he began to shuffle off. When he had just passed me he turned back. "I am sorry," he said softly. Glancing from me to Rafe's rigid back.  
  
"I know," I replied. Smiling sheepishly, Danny turned and hurried to the house, where Evelyn enveloped him in a tight hug, his tall frame dwarfing hers as she clung to him. I watched as Kate and Grace hugged him in turn. When they finally retreated into the house, I turned my attention to Rafe. Gone was the rigid, angry man of moments before. Rafe stood with his head resting against the plane's fuselage, his arms hanging limply at his sides, seemingly drained of energy. I took a couple of steps towards him.  
  
"We never should have taught him to fly," Rafe told me softly.  
  
I understood why he would say such a thing, but I knew he didn't really believe it. "He's a natural. He would have learned whether we taught him or not," I replied softly.  
  
Rafe turned to face me, his face a tortured mask. "Look Danny, I know you probably think that I....."  
  
"I don't think anything, Rafe," I interrupted, not wanting Rafe to feel that he had to justify his actions to me. I knew what he was feeling, watching that plane in the air, and I saw how terrified he had been. He might have reacted harsher than I would have, but I understood why. He didn't need to explain it to me. "We were all scared watching Danny in that plane...and we all react...differently..."  
  
Rafe shook his head. "I can't live through that again," he said softly. "It almost killed me...in...China. I can't lose Danny."  
  
"He's a good pilot. Better than we were at the same age. He certainly has more flight time," I smiled weakly at Rafe, wanting desperately to lighten the situation somehow. Danny was safe, that was what was important to me. But I knew Rafe well, and he was more likely to dwell on the darker aspects of today. Not that I didn't believe that Danny should be punished...but, there was more to it than that. Danny didn't need Rafe to be in one of his dark moods, he needed Rafe to be calm...to explain things  
  
"How can you be so goddamn calm about this," Rafe asked, his anger flaring momentarily. "He could have died today."  
  
I ran a hand through my hair, watching Rafe carefully. "Calm? I don't feel calm at all. I feel sick...and worried...and damn proud that he was able to land that plane on his own. Think of all the stunts we did when we were his age...is he really any different than us?"  
  
"He could have died!"  
  
"He didn't," I countered. "We taught him well."  
  
"He's just a kid," Rafe said, staring out into the fields, probably reliving Danny's harrowing minutes in the air once again.  
  
"Yes, but he's a good one," I said.  
  
"You just don't understand," Rafe continued. "To see him up there...with no power...he's my son...my only son," he whispered quietly.  
  
"He's my son, too," I responded just as quietly, sorry to see the hurt in Rafe's eyes, but not willing to let him think that I thought any less of the situation because Danny didn't call me dad.  
  
Rafe hung his head for a moment. "Yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean..."  
  
"It's okay, Rafe," I interrupted. "We both love him. We both want him safe. He's a good kid and a good pilot."  
  
Rafe didn't respond.  
  
"Are you okay?" I finally asked.  
  
"Fine," he answered tonelessly.  
  
"Rafe...." I tried again.  
  
His head snapped up at me. "Look, Danny. Let me handle this okay. I'm fine. I will be fine. Just leave me alone for awhile, okay?"  
  
"Sure, Rafe," I said, backing away, hoping that he would soon get over his fear and anger.  
  
Unfortunately he didn't. Three weeks later and I was in the daunting position of not only explaining to Danny why his father was so upset, but also why he wasn't told who his real father was. 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
We sat facing each other for a long minute. Danny's eyes never leaving my face as I cast about the room, trying to find some inspiration in the old plane parts and worn tools strewn about the corner of the hangar. The small window above us provided enough light for me to make out the determined look on Danny's face. He leaned forward in his chair, his arms resting on his knees as he waited for me to start talking.  
  
"Where do you want me to start?" I finally asked, knowing that I couldn't avoid it any longer.  
  
Danny shrugged. "At the beginning," he suggested. "I know that you and...Rafe," he faltered slightly, "met mom during your flight physicals. How did you two get together? Did you start dating then or at Pearl? How long did you date? When did she tell you about me? Why did you leave us?" The questions came rushing out, shocking us both, I guessed, watching as Danny's face flushed with embarrassment.  
  
I sighed deeply. This wasn't going to be easy. How could I explain the twists and turns of life, love and friendship to an almost 15-year-old boy who had barely experienced them?  
  
"Rafe and your mom started...dating...after our flight physicals," I told him. "They fell in love."  
  
Danny stared at me silently for a moment, his face showing his surprise. I could tell that that wasn't what he had expected, even though we had always talked openly about Rafe and Evelyn's courtship whenever it came up over the years. Obviously, Danny had assumed that since I was his father...I had been the one to date Evelyn.  
  
"When Rafe left to join the Eagle Squadron he asked me to be the one to tell her if anything happened to him," I continued.  
  
"So you did," Danny guessed, surprising me with a sudden show of anger. "You told her and then you started dating your best friend's girl?!"  
  
I was shocked at how quickly he had jumped to that conclusion. It was the truth...but not the way he assumed. I could hear the indignation at what he assumed was my slight of Rafe's memory, but I decided to ignore it. He was dealing with so much already, anger was expected. And it was good to hear him defending Rafe. "It wasn't that simple," I tried to explain. "I was the one to tell her. She was devastated. So was I. Rafe was the only family I had and Evelyn...well, he was her future, but he was dead. Or so we thought."  
  
Danny scoffed at me. "So you just moved on in," he said, shaking his head. "Mom must not have loved him very much if she...."  
  
"Watch it Danny," I warned him sharply. He could lash out at me all he wanted, but I wasn't about to let him insult his mother - even in misdirected anger. "You don't know the whole story and you will never fully understand what happened. I understand that you are angry and upset, but don't you ever - ever - be disrespectful of your mother. Do you understand me?" I asked, a hard edge to my voice.  
  
I watched as some of his anger drained away, his face flushing slightly in embarrassment. It was rare that I raised my voice at any of my children, but when I did they knew I was serious. "Yes sir," he nodded, not meeting my eyes.  
  
"Good," I replied, softening my tone. "Now, like I said," I continued. "I told your mother. We talked and cried and then I didn't see her for...awhile," I hedged, not wanting to give out too much information unless Danny asked for it. "We were basically avoiding each other because.… Well to see the other was to be reminded of Rafe and that just hurt too much. I spent a lot of time in the air or at Hickham doing maintenance. And Evelyn spent a lot of time working." I paused trying to think of what to say next; how to explain to him how things changed.  
  
"When did you start...dating?" Danny asked. I could tell by the way that he was watching me, his head cocked to the side, that he was carefully cataloging and sorting everything I was saying, looking for patterns and loopholes.  
  
"We met up at the movies one night - by accident," I told him. "We had both gone to see a show...a comedy, but the newsreels," I shook my head, not knowing how to explain how the images of those newsreels had brought back all the pain of losing Rafe. "We bumped into each other outside the theater and went out for coffee. For the first time I was able to talk about Rafe without it hurting." I sighed, unsure of how much more to say. "And things just progressed from there," I shrugged.  
  
"When?" Danny asked.  
  
"When what?" I asked back, though I knew exactly what he wanted.  
  
"When did you guys have coffee?" he persisted.  
  
I looked over at him, seeing the piercing look in his eyes. I felt my stomach tighten knowing that I couldn't avoid this question, even though it might hurt him to know. "You want a specific date?" I asked, skirting around the issue.  
  
Danny shrugged. Though he acted as if the question didn't matter, I knew that if I were to avoid it, I would lose any trust he might still have in me.  
  
"It was a Friday in October. A week or so before Halloween," I said, unable to contain a small sigh as I watched as Danny did the calculations in his head. "You were conceived a couple days later," I told him softly knowing that there was no point in hiding it from him.  
  
He took a moment to digest the information, absently picking at the stuffing in the arm of his chair. "That was fast," he said bitterly, finally looking up at me. I could see his anger in the set of his chin as he stared at me. "You have coffee and then...Bam!...You're going to be parents? She couldn't have loved dad...Rafe...that much if..."  
  
"Watch it Danny," I warned him again. "You're mother never stopped loving Rafe."  
  
"That didn't stop her from sleeping with you!" he retorted hotly. "His best friend no less!"  
  
I shook my head sadly, trying to find the right way to explain things without going into too much detail. "Danny, you're almost 15 years old," I started slowly. "You've never been in love, or lost a friend...I don't know how to explain to you what happened between your mother and I." I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. "There was a lot going on in our lives and we both needed someone......"  
  
"Did you love her?" Danny interrupted.  
  
"Yes," I answered without hesitation.  
  
Danny's eyes narrowed with uncommon perception for a boy his age. "Like you love Aunt Kate?" he asked.  
  
I sat back heavily in my chair. "No," I admitted truthfully. "I loved your mother, but not the way I love Kate. Just like Evelyn loved me, but not the way she loves Rafe."  
  
Danny sat there for a moment, his eyes focused on the wall behind me, his hands clenching the arms of the chair. "So what am I? Some kind of mistake?" he asked defensively, his eyes shifting to me and pining me with their intense gaze. "You guys start...." he waved his hand in the air, his face flushing hotly, "because you miss your friend and then oops...look what happened? You didn't even really love each other!" he declared, tears once again pooling in his eyes as he blinked furiously to keep them from falling.  
  
"Yes we did," I told him.  
  
Danny snorted in response. "I may only be 14 years old, but I know that it takes more than a week to fall in love," he said bitterly. "I'm a great big mistake," he whispered softly, hanging his head.  
  
My heart broke hearing the pain in his voice. For him to think...it was too much. "No you are not," I told him harshly. "You were never a mistake."  
  
Danny snorted bitterly, angrily wiping away a tear that had fallen against his will. "Oh sure, yeah. You meant to knock up your best friend's girl."  
  
I paled slightly at his words, seeing the anger and confusion on his face that was making him lash out. I wanted to reassure him, but I didn't know how. All I knew was that I couldn't lie to him...I couldn't make everything into a grand romance. He deserved to know the truth.  
  
"No, I didn't plan to...for anything to happen with Evelyn," I said softly, looking directly into Danny's eyes; wanting him to see that I wasn't holding anything back. "And you are right - I didn't love her the night we made love. I cared for her a great deal...she was a good friend, but I wasn't in love with her. The love came later, as we spent more time together. But you Danny," I smiled shakily. "While you were a...surprise...you were never unwanted. And even if Evelyn and I weren't...in love..." I fumbled for some way to help him understand. "You were conceived in love...our love, Evelyn's and mine....for Rafe. He is what brought us together."  
  
I'd never thought of Danny's conception in those terms before, but I suddenly realized that it was the truth. He wasn't a product of our love for each other, but of our love of Rafe. It stunned me as I thought it over. Maybe that explained why things had developed the way they had. Why I had decided what I did, even though it had torn me apart. I meant the words to be soothing to Danny, to make him realize that he had always been loved, but he wasn't ready to calm down.  
  
"So what?" he asked hotly. "Rafe comes back and you happily step aside and let him claim your....girlfriend...and your child? Cause you loved him so much?" he snorted derisively, lashing out at me again.  
  
I tried not to react to his words, choosing only to see the pain in his eyes as he tried to come to grips with everything. "No, actually we fought," I told him honestly. "Rafe got drunk and we fought." I ran a hand through my hair, looking away from Danny's stare as I remembered that bitter night. Rafe and I had never fought so viciously before. And then to hear him say that things could never be the same again...he was the only family I had and those words had hurt me terribly. "The next day all hell broke loose and we were too busy trying to survive." I shrugged. "After the attack we were busy trying to get things back to normal...helping in the harbor and around the base. We barely saw Evelyn. She was swamped at the hospital with all the wounded. Just when things started to settle down, Rafe and I were shipped stateside."  
  
Danny looked at me carefully. "You must have talked about it at some point. You must have....."  
  
I shook my head. "No, we didn't. We were barely talking and I think neither of us wanted to...open that topic."  
  
"What about mom?" he asked. "You must have seen her at some point. When did she tell you about....me?" He asked it softly, but I could see how important this question was to him.  
  
I looked over at him sadly. "She never told me...I didn't know..."  
  
"You didn't know?" he asked incredulously. "You mean you only found out when...when you came home from China?"  
  
I could see a glimmer of hope in his eyes, and I hated to do anything to dash it, but I couldn't lie. It might have been easier to believe that I had never known about him until I came home, but it wasn't true. "Rafe told me," I replied softly.  
  
His mouth fell open in shock. "What? When?" he sputtered momentarily. "Why'd she tell Rafe and not you?"  
  
"She didn't want me to be distracted," I offered lamely. "Before we left Pearl she went to talk to him," I continued. "I only found that out later...in China...and then she came to meet me at the plane." I could remember that day vividly. The weight of Rafe's hand on my shoulder before he boarded the plane, the tone of his voice when he said he'd see me there. I could feel the warm Hawaiian breeze and smell the floral scent of Evelyn's favorite perfume as she stood in front of me. And, now, I could recognize the hesitation in her eyes as she looked up at me...doing what she had decided was right. Sighing I looked up at Danny. "She told me that she would be waiting for me when I got back."  
  
Danny looked over at me, a stunned expression slowly crossing his face as understanding dawned in his eyes. "If you would have come back...if you didn't get shot...you would have...married....mom?" he said slowly.  
  
"Yes, I would have," I agreed solemnly.  
  
Seeming to digest this new information, Danny continued on. "When did Rafe tell you about me?"  
  
I cleared my throat uncomfortably, the pain of remembering that night still very close to the surface. "After I got shot," I said simply, my voice suddenly hoarse. "Rafe kept telling me I couldn't die...and then he told me why. I was going to be a father." I looked over at Danny, feeling the tears gathering in my eyes once more. "Hearing those words was more painful than the bullets that had ripped through my body - because I knew that I was dying...and I knew that I would never get to see you." My vision blurred momentarily as I remembered the total despair I had felt. "You had been given to me...and then taken away in an instant. It was more painful than...anything...I have ever felt." I swallowed convulsively, absently wiping away a lone tear. I looked up at Danny beseechingly, silently willing him to understand. "I knew that Rafe loved your mom, and that she loved him, so I did what I could to make sure he got home to Evelyn...and you. It meant pretending to be dead, but I was sure it was only a matter of time anyways. It was more important that he get home to take care of you. There isn't a man in this world who I would rather entrust my child to...than Rafe."  
  
I watched Danny carefully as he tried to absorb this new information, a slight frown marring his forehead. "But when you came back......"  
  
"That was three years later," I pointed out gently. "Rafe and Evelyn had been married for almost as long, and," I sighed, feeling no small amount of guilt, "Kate and I were expecting Sam."  
  
Anger flared in his eyes again. "So you just forgot about us when you were in China?" he asked.  
  
"No, I never forgot you," I said calmly. "In fact," I admitted, "there was a time when I wished that I had died, because then I wouldn't have to live with the knowledge that my child was out there being raised by someone else - even Rafe - and that the odds were I would never get to see it...you." I paused drawing in a deep breath. It had been years since this had happened, but the pain had never faded, it had only been carefully covered up. "I didn't even know if you were a boy or a girl until you walked into the living room that first day I came home," I said shakily. Leaning forward, I looked over at Danny, my face serious. "It was you I mourned most, Danny," I told him hoarsely. "It was you I cried over. I came to realize that I wasn't in love with Evelyn. I loved her, yes," I hastily corrected, not wanting to give him the wrong impression again, "but not the way that Rafe did. I didn't feel the anger and jealousy at the idea of them being together as Rafe had when he found out about me and Evelyn."  
  
"How could you be so sure?" he asked softly, his head cocked to the side as he tried to understand.  
  
I sat back again. "Because I fell in love with Kate," I answered simply. "But you were never far from my mind...there wasn't a day that went by...that I didn't think of you," I tried to reassure him."  
  
"Yeah, right," he replied derisively. "Couldn't stop thinking of me. Why didn't you...say anything...claim me...when you came home, then?"  
  
I stared off over Danny's shoulder, unable to meet his eyes. I wasn't entirely certain why I made the decision I did. At the time it had made sense - and it still did. Some of my reasons still held true, and if I had to do it all over again...I probably would do the same thing, but that didn't make it any easier. I had made my decision before I had even left China and I had stuck to it. It hadn't been easy to watch Rafe raise my son. He was a good father, but...it wasn't the same. I had my own family to raise...Grace, Sam, Josh...but it hadn't been easy watching Danny grow up from a distance. It was a decision I had made, though I regretted it often, but I had stood by it. How could I ever get Danny to understand?  
  
"The first time I saw you," I began, clearing my throat briefly, my eyes still focused on the wall behind him, "you had just woken up from a nap. You were wearing a pair of overalls and a red shirt, trailing your green blanket behind you. You weren't wearing socks," I smiled briefly as I remembered the tiny little boy that he had once been. I looked back at him. "You walked into the room, and you looked at me with these big eyes...unsure of who I was. You were the most...wonderful thing I had ever seen..." I told him honestly. "After a moment," I continued, "You walked over to Rafe, never taking your eyes off me. You tugged on his pant leg and he picked you up. He was your father, Danny," I told him. "He was the one you called daddy. He was the one you went to for protection. You buried your face in his shirt and didn't even look at me..."  
  
"I was three!" Danny interrupted. "How was I supposed to know! It wouldn't have mattered in the long run if you would have told me the truth then."  
  
"It wouldn't have mattered?" I asked him, my eyebrow rose in question. I knew he was upset, but it wasn't like I had made this decision without any forethought. I had my reasons. "There was still a lot of...tension...between Rafe and I when I finally came back. He was relieved that I was alive and home safe, but...." I sighed, unsure how to go on. "It's complicated."  
  
"How?" Danny persisted, crossing his arms and sitting back, staring at me while he waited.  
  
"What do you think your life would have been like if I had come back and .. and ...stepped in?" I asked. "Kate and I didn't move back here permanently until you were eight. Would you have spent those years shuttling between me and your mom, never having a real home? Or would you have spent it with your mom and Rafe...a man who loved you, but wasn't your father...while I...was away and never home with you? And when I was home..." I shook my head, "things would have been different. Stressful. I don't think things...would have been...the same," I ended lamely.  
  
"What's the difference?" Danny asked belligerently, his arms still crossed.  
  
"The difference is," I responded patiently, "you spent those years happily with Rafe as your father - helping him, learning from him, being his son. You didn't have to wonder if you were loved or wanted, or whether you were accepted. You had one father. You didn't have to feel torn between the two of us...wondering who to love or...."  
  
"Like I am now?" Danny asked angrily.  
  
"Do you?" I asked him. "Do you really wonder if you are loved...by me or by Rafe? Do you really believe that Rafe was a...unsuitable father...that he didn't love you and care for you as a father should? Do you Danny?" I pressed when he remained silent.  
  
He stared sullenly off into the distance. "I guess not," he finally choked out. "But I still don't understand why."  
  
"It wasn't an easy decision to make," I told him. "I had lots of time to think about it while I was in China...before Kate and I..." I paused awkwardly.  
  
Danny shook his head, standing up abruptly at the mention of Kate. "Stop, just stop. I've heard enough....I can't.....I've got to go," he said hoarsely, turning away from me.  
  
"Okay." I stood up, too.  
  
He took a few steps away from me and then stopped. His shoulders hunched. Slowly he turned back around, his face now streaked with tears. "You know, no matter what you say...it all comes down to one thing - you loved him, more than you loved me."  
  
I couldn't speak for a moment so shocked was I by his words. "Danny...no..." I began. "I love you. You're my...son. Rafe's like my brother, but you.....I'd die for you, both of you. But, the decision I made...I made so that you could grow up in peace, in a loving family. I didn't want to see you torn between me and Evelyn...never fully a part of either family. Another object for small town gossipers."  
  
He looked away from me briefly, his breathing shallow. Absently he rubbed his hands on his pants. When he had managed to get some control over himself he looked me steadily in the eye, the tears no longer falling, though I could see them pooling in his eyes. "You did it for Rafe...to make him happy...to settle the score. You messed around with his girlfriend while he was...presumed...dead, and so as penance you offer up you first born son..."  
  
His words cut through me like a knife. For a moment I couldn't find my voice as I struggled to find the words to counter his assumption. "Danny, I did what I thought was best for you...for all of us, but especially you."  
  
He shook his head briefly. "I...I gotta go," he turned around again, walking quickly to get out of the hangar.  
  
"Danny," I called to his retreating back. "I'm here...if...when...you want to talk."  
  
He glanced back briefly at me and nodded, his face wet with tears. My heart tightened painfully at the sight, his nod giving me hope that he might be willing to talk to me again eventually. I prayed that everything between us hadn't been totally damaged by the day's revelations.  
  
I watched him blindly stumble into Rafe at the entrance. The sun was still bright and they weren't in the shadows. I could see Rafe's concerned expression as he reached a hand out to steady Danny. He said something, and an odd looked crossed Danny's face. I could see his mouth open and close, but no sound came. Quickly shaking off Rafe's hand, he jogged away. Rafe watch him bewilderingly for a moment, but he didn't follow. I knew he wouldn't. He'd want to talk to me first to find out what was wrong. I sat back down heavily, waiting for Rafe to come in, my heart pounding loudly in my chest as I tried to think of what to tell him. I sat with my elbows on my knees, my hands covering my face.  
  
"Hey," he said as he sat down across from me. "I just saw Danny and he looked...." he trailed off as I lifted my head. I must have looked bad too. I felt pale and drawn, my eyes sore from the tears I had been holding back.  
  
"He knows," I blurted out. "Grace wasn't writing a history paper about Pearl Harbor...she was...investigating...us. You, me, and Evelyn," I said meaningfully. "He knows."  
  
Rafe stared at me blankly for a few moments before the meaning behind my words finally sank in. "Oh, god," he whispered, his face etched with fear.  
  
End 9/? - but that's all I have written so far.....please be very, very patient...Life has gotten difficult lately and I don't have much time to write. :( 


	10. Chapter 10

Evelyn wearily stepped out of the old truck, the rusty door seeming heavier than usual. It had been a long day and covering a partial shift at the hospital hadn't been a good idea, but she just hadn't been able to make herself say no. Grabbing the two bags of groceries from the back, she made her way into the cool, quiet house, wanting only to put her feet up and rest for a few minutes.  
  
The sight of the messy kitchen with the breakfast dishes still piled haphazardly on the drain board, brought a groan to her lips. Danny was supposed to have cleaned up after he got home this afternoon. 'Rafe is going to have a fit when he sees this,' she couldn't help but think.  
  
Sighing she moved aside a pile of plates and set down the groceries. Best to get it cleaned up quickly, she decided, because she had no desire to referee another fight between Danny and Rafe. Evelyn didn't know what she was going to do with them. In the past few weeks her easy-going son had become sullen and uncommunicative and her husband had become a bear. Danny's sullenness was understandable to a degree considering his age and the fact that he had been grounded from flying for three weeks and counting. But Evelyn had the feeling that it was more than that. He had been looking at her strangely lately. There was so much hurt in his eyes, as if she had wronged him in some way, though for the life of her she couldn't think of how.  
  
She would have to have another talk with him soon. Their last one hadn't gone too well and she was loath to repeat it, but something had to be done. Rafe wasn't likely to give in first, considering the fears and nightmares Danny had unwittingly awakened. In their fifteen years of marriage Rafe had never been the one to give in first where emotions were concerned, it just wasn't in him. She had to try to explain that to Danny, to make him understand that Rafe's love of him and his fear for his safety were what was causing this wall to grow between them, not any disdain or disapproval.  
  
Hopefully tonight's dinner wouldn't be difficult. Evelyn was too tired and the constant tension was wearing her down. After dinner she would take Danny aside, maybe go for a little walk and try to explain things. He was a very caring and rational boy, hopefully once he understood what was going on with Rafe he would extend an olive branch instead of continuing this wounded silence.  
  
By the time the kitchen was clean all hopes of a short nap were gone. Evelyn was focused on what to cook for dinner when she heard the front door open and slam shut.  
  
Curious, she walked into the living room. "Rafe?" she called. He grunted in response as he walked heavily up the stairs. Evelyn sighed, her shoulders drooping as she stared after him. He was in one of his moods again. This was not going to be a good night. She could only hope that it had nothing to do with Danny.  
  
Absently she turned back into the kitchen and opened the icebox, staring unseeing into it's interior. She could feel a headache coming on.  
  
"You trying to cool the whole house like that?" said a familiar voice said from behind her.  
  
Hand pressed to her pounding heart, Evelyn shut the icebox and turned to face her friend. "You startled me," she told him unnecessarily, waving for him to enter. "You shouldn't sneak up on people like that," she teased, "it's bad manners."  
  
"Sorry," Danny replied, coming inside. "I didn't think I was particularly quiet. I'll try to remember to stomp louder next time." He shifted awkwardly in front of the screen door, his hands shoved deep into his pockets as he rocked back on his heels. He offered her a small smile that didn't reach his eyes.  
  
Evelyn's smile faded as she took a good look at him. "You do that," she said absently, though the teasing note was gone. She could tell something was wrong. "I was just about to start dinner," she began, her eyes worriedly skimming over her friend's tense face, taking in his pursed lips and reddened eyes. "What's wrong, Danny? What's happened?" she asked, crossing over to him and placing a hand on his arm, the muscles tense beneath her touch.  
  
Danny looked down at where her small white hand rested on his tanned forearm and a tortured look crossed his face, his eyes suddenly becoming unfocused as they stared unseeing for a long moment. He deliberately he took a small step away from her and Evelyn's hand fell to her side.  
  
He cleared his throat. "Is Rafe here?"  
  
"Yes," Evelyn answered slowly, a deep frown marring her smooth brow. "He came in a few minutes ago – through the front door. He didn't say anything, just went upstairs. Did you two have a fight or something?"  
  
Danny shook his head, his hands digging even further in his pockets as he hunched his shoulders, something Evelyn hadn't seen him do in years. "No, no, we didn't have a fight. Not really. We just… It's… Danny," he finally said.  
  
"Oh lord," Evelyn said, sitting down at the table as she absorbed his distressed expression. "They finally had words didn't they?" She didn't know whether to be frightened or not. She was afraid that their tempers might get the best of them and they might have actually said something to hurt each other.  
  
"No," Danny shook his head. "Danny and Rafe haven't spoken." He pulled out a chair and sat down heavily across from her, his elbows resting on his knees. He stared absently at his grease stained hands. "I…" he began hoarsely, then shut his eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. "Danny came to the barn this afternoon…" He sat up and ran his hands through his hair, struggling to find words.  
  
"Did you get stuck in the middle again?" Evelyn asked sympathetically, her heart going out to her friend. It didn't happen often, but occasionally Danny and Rafe butted heads over how best to deal with Danny.  
  
Danny cleared his throat. "It's not that exactly," he told her. "You see, Danny came to the barn…and he was upset. He… He knew, Ev. He knew." Danny looked at her, his eyes shimmering.  
  
Evelyn just stared at him, her hand coming to rest on her throat where she toyed with her necklace unconsciously. Her stomach suddenly felt leaden. 'He knew,' she repeated silently to herself. Afraid to ask, but knowing she had to; Evelyn took a deep breath, "He knew what, Danny?"  
  
"He knows that I'm not his father," Rafe's harsh voice cut through the silence of the kitchen, causing both occupants to jump.  
  
Danny sighed and nodded sadly  
  
Pale and trembling, Evelyn looked between the two men, silently wishing that this wasn't really happening. It wasn't that she didn't want Danny to know the truth; it was that she didn't feel able to deal with it right now; not with Danny and Rafe barely speaking to each other.  
  
She had always thought that one day they would sit him down and explain everything to him calmly, but she kept putting it off; that one-day getting further and further away. She wasn't ready. She knew Danny deserved to know who his father was, and Danny, her good friend, deserved to be acknowledged for the sacrifice he had made for everyone's benefit all those years ago, but she just wasn't ready to share her son yet. She wasn't ready and so she had stalled, even though she had known it was well past time. She told herself it was because she didn't want to see Rafe hurt when Danny realized he wasn't his real father, but the truth was she didn't want to see the disappointment in her son's eyes when he realized what she had done at Pearl Harbor, how she had betrayed both Rafe and Danny.  
  
As if in slow motion Evelyn raised her hand to her mouth, a small sob escaping as tears began to fall silently. "How?" was all she could manage to ask.  
  
Danny sighed heavily, his head hanging. "As far as I can tell, he ran into Mrs. Gorf, the old county librarian, in town. She said something that got him to thinking and then Grace…Grace decided to investigate us." He looked at Evelyn, a wry smile playing across his lips. "She wasn't writing a paper on the our war years, she was…trying to figure out if what Mrs. Gorf said was true."  
  
"Why didn't he just come and ask us?" Evelyn whispered, glancing over at Rafe who remained stonily silent in the doorway, his arms across his chest and his feet planted firmly. He looked ready to fight.  
  
Sighing, she knew exactly why Danny hadn't come to them first. Rafe was extremely intimidating when he was in a mood, and he had been like this for weeks. "I always knew we had to tell him," she said thickly, "but for him to find out like this… What does he know exactly?" she asked Danny.  
  
"He asked if it was true," Danny began, "he wanted to know if we dated and when… I answered his question as best I could, but…"  
  
"That's convenient," Rafe interrupted sharply, his face hard. "I thought we agreed to tell him together."  
  
"We did," Danny replied, his eyes measuring Rafe warily. If anyone knew Rafe's moods, Danny did. He sat back in his chair and looked evenly at Rafe, doing his best to hide his own inner turmoil. "But none of us thought it would happen this way. I tried to get him to wait, but he wanted answers right then." He turned to look at Evelyn, letting her see his pain. "I couldn't not answer him, not after he…" Danny faltered momentarily. "He thought I didn't love him, that I didn't care. I couldn't let him…."  
  
"Oh, of course," Rafe interrupted again, his voice shaking. "Make sure good ol' Uncle Danny is still untarnished. You didn't give a damn how everything would effect me and Evelyn!"  
  
"Of course I did!" Danny answered back defensively, his eyes flaring angrily for an instant. "But I didn't see a way for me to refuse without hurting him further."  
  
"Hurting you, you mean," Rafe returned snidely.  
  
"No, hurting him, Rafe," Danny replied calmly, though his hands were clenched tightly on the table. "This is about Danny, not me." He sat back, making an effort to relax. "We should have told him years ago," he finally said sadly, his eyes focused on the tabletop.  
  
Rafe took a step into the kitchen. "So this is my fault?" he snarled.  
  
Danny shook his head tiredly. "I didn't say that," he said, rubbing a hand over his eyes.  
  
"But that's what you meant," Rafe countered. "Admit it."  
  
Danny raised his eyes to look directly at Rafe. "Fine. Yes, I wanted to tell Danny two years ago, when he turned 13, but you wanted more time. I didn't want to come between you then and I don't want to come between you now, but damn it Rafe," Danny said, his voice becoming louder, "he thought that I didn't love him… That I abandoned him…"  
  
"Didn't you?" Rafe asked softly, his eyes narrowed at his childhood friend.  
  
"Rafe!" Evelyn gasped. Neither man paid her any mind.  
  
Danny paled visibly as he stared with open shock at his best friend. "That's not fair Rafe and you know it."  
  
Rafe said nothing, his jaw clenched tightly as he continued to stare at Danny accusingly.  
  
"Don't be a bastard Rafe, this isn't…"  
  
"Me a bastard?" Rafe interrupted incredulously, taking another step into the kitchen. "You had no right to tell Danny everything without me and Evelyn there," he said angrily, his voice almost a shout.  
  
His chair fell over as Danny stood up abruptly. "No right?" Danny countered, his voice eerily quiet compared to Rafe's, yet just as harsh. "He came to me, me Rafe, asking if I was his father. What was I supposed to do? Lie to him?" Danny asked, his voice rising. "He's my son! I had every right to…"  
  
"It wasn't your place to tell Danny without us there! You had no right," Rafe said through gritted teeth. "You gave up your rights years ago when you stood in this house and told him to call you uncle."  
  
Danny's face flushed bright red as he leaned over the table towards Rafe, his arms trembling in anger. "Like I had any choice in the matter," he whispered softly, his dark eyes piercing Rafe who took a small step backwards before he could stop himself. "I may have given up the right for Danny to call me dad, but that was because I thought I was doing what was best for him…for all of us. I never gave up the right to love him or care about his well being. And there is no way in hell that I am going to lie to him or push him off just to make you happy. Danny asked and I answered, so deal with it!"  
  
"Why you…" Rafe took a threatening step towards Danny, his fists clenched.  
  
"Stop it!" Evelyn cried, standing up and finally reminding them of her presence. "Just stop it!" Confused, both men looked at her, seeing the tears streaming down her face. It was obvious that they had both forgotten that she was there. "This isn't about you two," she told them shakily. "This is not helping. This is about Danny."  
  
Immediately Danny relaxed. He righted his chair and sat down, his hands covering his face. Finally he looked over at her, his expression tired and worn, his shoulders slumping with exhaustion. "I'm sorry, Ev. You're right of course."  
  
Rafe said nothing, but he relaxed his fists, his eyes still looking harshly at his friend.  
  
Evelyn wiped the tears from her eyes. "Now, we need to find Danny," she told them, doing her best to act calm. "We need to explain some things to him. Where did he go?"  
  
"I'm right here," Danny's voice came from the porch.  
  
He stepped into the kitchen from the shadows, his eyes were red and he had a smudge of dirt across one cheek where he had wiped away his tears.  
  
"Danny," Evelyn's voice broke at seeing the pain and confusion in her son's face. She took a few steps towards him, wanting to hold him in her arms, but he shied away from her, hunching his shoulders as he backed into a corner, his eyes moving warily from one adult to another, giving the impression of a hunted animal.  
  
"Honey, I was just about to make dinner. Are you hungry?" Evelyn tried again, her voice soft and soothing.  
  
Danny shook his head. "No thanks. I'm not hungry. I just came to get my sleeping bag," he told them.  
  
"Where are you going?" Evelyn asked calmly, though her eyes widened in panic.  
  
Glancing up at her, Danny smiled wryly. "I'm not going anywhere, Mom. I just don't feel like…sleeping here…tonight."  
  
Rafe snorted derisively. Both adults glared, but young Danny refused to look at him, his eyes staying focused on the floor.  
  
"I need some time alone," he told them. Shoving his hands into his pockets he looked over at his mother from underneath his long bangs, his eyes pleading.  
  
"We're all here now," Evelyn offered. "We can sit down," she motioned to the table, "and talk. We can answer anything you want."  
  
Danny started shaking his head, his eyes filling with tears again. "No," he said hoarsely. "I think I've heard enough for today."  
  
"Only what he told you," Rafe interjected.  
  
"No," Danny replied, finally looking at Rafe with hardened eyes. "I've heard enough from all of you."  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?" Rafe snapped.  
  
"Nothing," Danny said with a sigh before he turned back to his mother. "I just want to get my sleeping bag. I'll go sleep at the clearing. It's warm enough at night. And it's not going to rain," he added, knowing that Evelyn would protest. "I'll be fine. I just need some time to think."  
  
"All right then," she told him hesitantly. "We'll be here…when you want to talk. Do you want me to make you something to eat? You might get hungry later."  
  
Danny shook his head. "No thank you." Skirting around the table, he made his way through the kitchen and past where Rafe stood near the doorway to the living room without meeting anyone's eyes. Nobody said a word as he walked to his bedroom and then, a minute later, walked out the back door again with a mumbled, "Goodnight."  
  
Silence reigned in the kitchen as the three adults stared at the screen door. With a muffled oath, Rafe turned around and stomped off to the front door, practically tearing it off its hinges as he opened it  
  
  
  
Evelyn watched Rafe's retreating form, the tears she had been holding back in her son's presence now streaming unchecked down her face. "Rafe," she whispered as she finally broke down, sobs racking her frame as she leaned back against the cupboards, her legs unsteady. The one thing she wanted was for Rafe to hold her, to comfort her, but he had left.  
  
"Ev, Ev, it's going to be okay," Danny whispered as he gathered her into his arms.  
  
Gratefully she sank into the warmth of his embrace, seeking any comfort she could get. She had been right earlier – she wasn't prepared to deal with a fight between Danny and Rafe. Her head was pounding and she felt nauseous. How was she going to explain everything to her son?  
  
Of course, she had started out with the best intentions, didn't everyone? She told everyone that she had named her son after her dead friend - friend, not lover. Lord help her, how could she explain that she used to pretend that she was pregnant with Rafe's child, not Danny's. How desperately she wished it were so. What would that do to her son? What would that do to her relationship with Danny when he found out?  
  
It would all come out now; they would know how she had been relieved that Rafe had been the one to survive and not Danny. It wasn't that she wanted Danny to die, never that, but if she had had to choose, her heart had wanted Rafe.  
  
Her whole life had been a game of pretend from the day Danny had told her that Rafe had died. Pretend to go through the motions of living. Pretend to be in love with Danny. Pretend that her child belonged to someone else. Pretend that the guilt of her betrayal of the two men in her life didn't eat away at her.  
  
When Rafe had come back into her life, accepted her and her child as his, everything had been perfect. Almost. She became his wife and her son became their son. Yet there was still guilt, guilt for betraying Danny who had given her a lovely child and done nothing more than be her friend when she needed it. And she had used him horribly. She had managed to live with the guilt, burying it deep within her heart and mind. She consoled herself with the fact that she had come to love Danny; just not in the way she led him to believe. But the guilt was always there.  
  
And then he came back and he'd been so caring and so understanding, letting her carry on her charade without questioning. His deep love of Kate did little to ease her own guilt. She was relieved that he was so happy, but it didn't change her betrayal in their past.  
  
"I'm sorry," Danny's whispered words finally broke through her thoughts. "I'm so sorry, Ev."  
  
"No," she croaked, looking at him sadly. "I'm sorry. We should have told him years ago before it came to this. We should have told him when you moved back here. He could have adjusted to it easier that way. But I… I didn't want to give him up. I didn't want to…share him…with you." Her voice cracked and more tears began to fall. "You had every right…after what you did…what happened and I… " Her voice broke and she could no longer continue.  
  
"It's okay Evelyn," Danny reassured her, his arms tightening around her, though his voice was pained. "I understand."  
  
"Do you?" she sobbed brokenly. "Do you really?"  
  
"I think so," Danny replied, his chin resting on the top of her head as he continued to rub her back. "I think you're torturing yourself right now because all you've ever wanted is for Danny to be Rafe's son and not mine."  
  
Evelyn gasped and froze in his arms.  
  
"Am I wrong?" Danny asked gently.  
  
Wordlessly Evelyn shook her head, though she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye.  
  
"It's okay, Evelyn. I do understand. I feel the same way about Grace. I can't imagine what it would be like if Michael were still alive – let alone living next door."  
  
"But he wasn't a…good man," she interjected softly.  
  
"It doesn't matter, Ev. The feelings are still the same and since Rafe can't…" Danny's voice faded away uncomfortably.  
  
"Have any children," Evelyn finished for him, sadly.  
  
"Right," Danny agreed. "Well, I can imagine the feeling is even stronger – to want to preserve your family. Not that having more children would have…changed how you – or Rafe – feel about Danny, it just would have made it…easier."  
  
"But he's your son," Evelyn whispered.  
  
Danny sighed. "Yes."  
  
"We should have told him…instead of continuing to live a fantasy…"  
  
"It's too late for should haves," Danny chastised her gently. "Right now Danny needs to know that he's loved by all of us and I think he needs to understand why we made the decisions we did…I tried, but…"  
  
"This isn't going to be easy," Evelyn admitted in a small voice. "I don't want to lose him. Either of them," she added, her eyes looking towards the front of the house where Rafe had gone, lost in his own misery and pain.  
  
"I don't want to lose them either, and we won't. As long as we tell Danny the truth he'll understand eventually. He won't…he won't hold it against us."  
  
"No, he won't," Evelyn agreed, finally pulling away from Danny and giving him a watery smile. "He's a lot like you that way." Her smile faltered. "But what are we going to do about Rafe? Danny and he…" her tears started again.  
  
Danny smiled shakily, and leaning forward placed a soft kiss on Evelyn's forehead. "I'll go talk to him, see if I can get him to calm down. Hopefully between the two of us we can get Danny to understand." He took a step back and looked down at Evelyn, a frown forming. "You have another headache don't you?" She nodded reluctantly and he began leading her towards the living room sofa. "You need to lie down. Kate says you haven't been feeling well, this isn't helping, I'm sure…."  
  
"But dinner…" Evelyn protested half-heartedly.  
  
"I'll send one of the boys over with some leftovers," Danny reassured her. "Though I don't think anyone is going to be very hungry tonight."  
  
After Evelyn laid down, Danny spread a blanket over her. He smoothed it out, tucking it under her chin and then he kissed her cheek. "It's going to be alright, Ev. Danny's a good boy and Rafe's a good man. They love each other – and you. We'll all get through this just fine."  
  
Evelyn tried to smile for his benefit, but couldn't. Instead she closed her eyes to stop the tears that wanted to fall.  
  
Danny watched her for a few more moments, perched on the coffee table. Then he shifted his gaze to the porch where he could just make out Rafe's shape through the curtains. With a sigh, he stood up and walked to the front door. Hopefully Rafe had calmed down enough to talk reasonably.  
  
  
  
Danny quietly closed the front door and stepped out onto the porch. Rafe was standing on the top step his eyes staring off to the horizon. Coming to stand next to him, Danny glanced up at his profile and almost sighed out loud. Rafe's jaw was still set and his eyes were hooded. He was still brooding.  
  
"You still here?" Rafe finally asked when Danny remained silent.  
  
"Looks like it," Danny replied in a neutral voice, his eyes staring straight ahead.  
  
"I'm surprised you didn't run off to 'explain' more things to Danny without us there," Rafe said harshly.  
  
Danny felt a twinge of irritation but took a deep breath to control his temper. "He said he needed time. I can wait until he's ready to talk." Rafe snorted and Danny's eyes narrowed. "Besides, I couldn't just leave Evelyn crying in the kitchen." Danny knew it was a low blow and he wasn't surprised to see Rafe flinch at his words, though it gave him no satisfaction. He did not want to get into a pointless argument with Rafe.  
  
Without a word, Rafe angrily stomped down the stairs away from Danny. Danny did sigh this time. He couldn't let Rafe's anger dictate this conversation, which meant he couldn't allow his own temper to get the better of him. He had to stay in control if they were going to work this out. Slowly he followed his friend into the front yard, coming to stand beside him once again.  
  
"So, now you're a better husband and father than me?" Rafe asked bitterly.  
  
Danny couldn't help looking up at his friend, totally dumbfounded. "You selfish bastard," he said in a low voice. "Stop thinking about yourself and start thinking about the other people in your life!"  
  
Angrily Rafe turned to face Danny, but Danny stood his ground, refusing to flinch away from his friend's thunderous expression. "It's all well and good for you, isn't it, Uncle Danny?" Rafe grated. "You have the perfect little family and now you can just add one more. While I have nothing!"  
  
"Bullshit," Danny answered automatically, his tone impatient. "You have a wife who loves you and needs you right now and a son…"  
  
"Your son," Rafe retorted.  
  
"A son," Danny continued, though his voice began to raise, "who loves you and is very confused right now. Nothing that happened today changes the fact that you raised him for 15 years."  
  
Rafe remained stonily silent and Danny felt his frustration and anger grow. "Jesus, you always do this," he said bitterly. "Would you think of someone else for a change, for Christ's sake? There are more people affected by today than you! Evelyn and Danny need you…"  
  
"You're closer to Danny than I am," Rafe interrupted. "He hates me."  
  
"He does not," Danny replied in exasperation. He was sick and tired of Rafe hiding behind his self-pity and whatever inferiority problems he seemed to have with regards to Kate and his family. "He's a teenager, for goodness sakes! You think I don't have problems with Grace? And Sam? I am not some paragon of fatherhood, Rafe. This is not some test or contest between us. I am not perfect…and neither are you."  
  
"He talks to you…."  
  
"Yes, he does," Danny agreed, making an effort to calm down. "Just like Sam talks to you. I can't change that fact, but it doesn't mean he loves you less. You don't stop loving someone because something changes. I think we both learned that lesson a long time ago," Danny added softly.  
  
Rafe seemed to relax for a moment at Danny's words, but an instant later his anger was back. "Why didn't you wait to tell him?"  
  
"Like I told you before," Danny bit out angrily, tired of Rafe harping on the minor details of something that couldn't be changed. "I had no choice."  
  
"Hah!" Rafe smirked. "You just wanted to be the wonderful dad; to out do me and make me look bad," he said scathingly. "You've resented my role in Danny's life and you've been trying to undermine me for years!"  
  
Danny shook his head sadly as he stared at his friend with pity, his anger ebbing away. "I'm not doing this Rafe," he told his friend, refusing to rise to the bait and start another argument. "You can feel sorry for yourself all you want, but Evelyn needs you right now. And Danny will need you later. So you better get yourself figured out or you're going to end up losing everything."  
  
"Is that a threat?" Rafe challenged.  
  
Danny shook his head. "No it's the cold hard truth," he stated simply before turning and walking away. 


	11. Chapter 11

Danny walked away from Rafe, his heart heavy. It pained him to see his friend acting so defensive. He knew that Rafe's harsh words and accusations were not from malice, but from fear. He understood it, but he didn't feel up to dealing with it right now. He had his own inner turmoil to deal with.  
  
Right now all he wanted was to hold Kate in his arms and cry. Cry for the pain and betrayal in his son's eyes. Cry for the pain Rafe and Evelyn were suffering. Cry for the years he had been forced to hold back and play the role of uncle instead of father. True, it had been his decision ultimately, but it hadn't been made lightly. He simply hadn't seen any other choice. Too many things were already in motion and Shelby was not a place were you could go against convention. The town mavens would have ripped them all to shreds if the whole story were known.  
  
Most likely only Rafe would have come out unscathed, the rest of them would have been dragged through the mud, much to the town's morbid glee. Rafe would have been considered the hero for marrying his best friend's girl when she was in trouble - the town's charming, but wild boy, finally settling down. He'd dated half the girls in High School; coaches and parents loved him, but they all had worried about his adventurous streak. Marrying Evelyn because she was pregnant made him not only a war hero, but suddenly he would have been no longer considered wild - he'd be noble and self-sacrificing.  
  
The rest of them - himself, Kate, Evelyn, young Danny - would have been tarnished forever. Evelyn would have been considered a loose woman and lucky to have been saved by Rafe. She'd be accepted for Rafe's sake, but given the cold shoulder if he wasn't with her. Young Danny would have been pitied by all, and though technically wouldn't he be a bastard, it was more than likely that he would be reminded of his 'unfortunate' heritage throughout his life; it would be brought up at every major event of his life and he would never be able to live it down.  
  
All this would have been moot if Danny had had the decency to die over in China - a hero's death, saving his best friend's life. It was better than what the townspeople had predicted for the son of Cole Walker, war veteran and drunk. If he had died, then Evelyn and Danny would have been accepted without a word, even if the truth would have come out as Rafe and Evelyn had planned when Danny was old enough to understand. There would have been whispers, of course, there always were in small towns, but they would have belonged.  
  
But of course, he hadn't died and to make matters worse he hadn't come home alone. If the town had known the truth then he would have been considered heartless for abandoning Evelyn and showing up with Kate who was already suspiciously pregnant. Danny could handle the criticism of himself, he'd lived with it all his life, but he wasn't about to let that happen to Kate - or Grace. If Evelyn would have been given the cold shoulder, Kate would have been completely shunned; considered a tramp, if not worse. They all deserved better than that.  
  
Sadly, the possible scenarios that had flashed through Danny's mind while in China and as he made his way back to Tennessee weren't a matter of conjecture. He had seen similar dramas play out twice in his life. Once when he was a child and didn't really understand the situation, and again when he was a junior in high school and one of the cheerleaders had become pregnant. She had claimed that the father was one boy from a well to do family, when later on it came out that it had been another boy, not so well looked upon. He currently had that child in one of his English classes and he couldn't help but feel sorry for him. His mother had married the popular boy, but she was cold-shouldered and he was whispered about - there was nothing anyone could do about it. The boy had a huge chip on his shoulder because of it and was constantly in trouble. (is this explanation necessary, or should I shorten it somehow?)  
  
Shelby was just too small-town and gossip ridden. Danny had hated it as a child and he hated it now. It didn't seem to matter that he grown up to become a well-loved and respected teacher, published author, war hero, and father of six well-behaved children. He was still seen, by many, as the poor charity case the McCawley's had taken in all those years ago after his father had shot himself during one of his drunken binges.  
  
He knew that a few of the matron's were a bit disappointed by his sudden resurrection. Shot and killed in China was the perfect tragic ending to his tragic life. If they knew that he was actually the father of Evelyn's child it would have delighted them in a vicious, morbid way. A love triangle! And Danny knew that he would come out the worst of it, even if he hadn't known that Evelyn was pregnant when he had left Pearl Harbor. The simple truth was that the McCawleys were always seen as being better than the Walkers. Not that Danny would necessarily disagree, but he didn't want his children, or Kate, exposed to that anymore than they already were.  
  
Kate. Kate would be vilified even worse than Evelyn. Already there was enough speculation about their intimate wedding on the farm when he finally made it home and Sam's birthday. No one had yet to come out and say anything directly, but every August the old biddies would try to trip him up as to how many years they had been married, as if it mattered anymore.  
  
No, Danny didn't like Shelby very much sometimes, but he couldn't leave. Well, he could, he knew. He and Kate could move anywhere in the world if they wanted, but Danny, his first born, was here. Evelyn had married Rafe and Rafe owned the farm and ran his father's crop dusting business and so the Walkers stayed. Kate understood that he could not leave his son and for that Danny would be forever grateful.  
  
The sound of happy, high-pitched voices and laughter brought Danny out of his thoughts as he walked. He had made it all the way across the field without noticing. Soon Drew and Matty were coming into view around the bend in the road, laughing loudly as an irate Sam chased after them. Josh came next with Eva on his hip, her blonde head already drooping.  
  
Grace was the first one to notice him, her steps slowing as soon as she saw him, her eyes staring.  
  
Drew and Matty whizzed by not even seeing him on the side of the road.  
  
Sam managed a, "Hi dad!" in passing.  
  
A few moments later Josh walked by, a small smile on his tanned face.  
  
"You doing okay, son?" Danny asked him, trying to sound as normal as possible.  
  
"Fine," Josh nodded, though his footsteps slowed and his smile faded. "Are you okay, Dad?" he asked, his brown eyes filling with concern.  
  
Danny smiled tightly, Josh really was the most sensitive of his children. He should have known he couldn't fool him. "I've been better," he told the boy honestly. "You take Eva in and help your mom - make sure Sam doesn't kill anyone. I need to talk to Grace for a minute."  
  
Josh glanced over his shoulder to where Grace stood twenty feet away and then back at his father, his solemn eyes not missing the strained looks on both their faces. "Okay," he finally agreed. "Do you want me to tell mom you'll be late?"  
  
"No, we won't be long."  
  
After one more look Josh nodded and walked on, Eva still fast asleep on his shoulder. Danny watched them until they reached the front porch and then turned to face Grace who had moved to stand a few feet away from him. She was wearing an old dress over her swimsuit, her hair still damp at the ends. Her eyes were red with unshed tears and her bottom lip began to tremble as she looked at him.  
  
"Hey, Gracie," Danny said softly, holding his arms open to her.  
  
"Daddy," she cried softly as she flung herself at him, her tears finally falling. "I'm so sorry. So sorry. I wish we had never gone into town and met that horrible old woman."  
  
"Why didn't you just ask me, Grace?" Danny asked softly. "Why this whole game about a school paper? Why didn't you - or Danny - just ask?"  
  
"I don't know," she admitted tearfully. "Danny didn't want to talk about it and I didn't know how to ask. I thought if I could figure it out it would help him. instead of spending weeks wondering." She looked up at her father, her eyes pleading. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt. anyone."  
  
"It's okay, Gracie," Danny said, holding her close. "It was a secret that was meant to be told one day. It just kept getting pushed further and further away."  
  
"But why?" Grace asked, looking up at him again. "I've known about. Michael forever."  
  
"Yes," Danny agreed. "But you have grandparents - the Helmsfords and your Grandma Williams who wanted to know you."  
  
Grace snorted, a disdainful look marring her young face. "Fat lot of good it does me."  
  
"And," Danny stressed, "you were born before I was in China. People might miscount a month or two, but not a year. You situation is very different from Danny's."  
  
"I guess," Grace admitted. "Those old biddies at church."  
  
"Grace, don't be disrespectful," Danny chided her, though secretly he agreed with her assessment.  
  
She rolled her eyes at him. "I know, but I just hate the way they talk about me sometimes. Especially now that they know my father was a Helmsford."  
  
"I know."  
  
"How's Danny?" Grace finally asked, her voice cracking slightly.  
  
"He's upset," Danny told her. "And angry. And confused. He's staying at the clearing tonight."  
  
"Oh. Can I.?" she motioned behind her towards the clearing.  
  
Sighing, Danny shook his head. "No, not tonight. I think he needs some time to think. Maybe later you can take him some food, but I don't want you staying with him long. Okay?"  
  
"Okay," she agreed reluctantly.  
  
Danny placed a kiss on her forehead and then put his arm around her shoulder. "Let's get inside before your mom starts to worry."  
  
"I love you daddy," Grace whispered, leaning into him as they walked.  
  
"I love you too, Gracie."  
  
"We're going to be okay, right?" she asked softly. "All of us? Danny, Aunt Ev, Uncle Rafe?"  
  
"Yes, we will be okay," he reassured her with a squeeze. "We'll be okay. eventually."  
  
  
  
Kate looked up from the potatoes she was mashing, her eyes searching the faces of her husband and daughter. It didn't take much to see the tension in both their faces. Grace's eyes were red from crying and Danny's looked suspiciously irritated. Danny tried to smile reassuringly at her but failed miserably. After fifteen years together he couldn't hide anything from her.  
  
"Grace, go hurry and change," Kate told her. "Then I want you to dish up dinner - chicken's in the over. Josh is setting the table and Sam's watching Eva. Dinner's in fifteen minutes. Your father and I will be in the study."  
  
Silently Grace nodded, hurrying to her room. Kate had learned over the years that if she wanted something done it was best to give explicit orders. The kids responded best that way, and so did Danny for that matter. With eight people living under one roof it was the only way to keep things running smoothly.  
  
After rinsing her hands, Kate nodded to her husband who followed her out of the kitchen. He hadn't moved from the doorway or uttered a single word since he had walked in. This worried her. Danny always gave her a hug and kiss when he came in, no matter what she was doing or who she was with. Now he just stared at her like a drowning man, making her heart tighten with dread. Something was wrong.  
  
She opened the door to the study and ushered him in. He immediately slumped into one of the wingback chairs, closing his eyes as if he had a bad headache. Watching him intently, Kate closed the door with a soft click.  
  
"Okay, what's happened?" she finally asked,crossing over to him. "Josh said something was up and Grace has been crying. you don't look much better." Gently she ran a hand through his hair. "What is it?"  
  
Danny didn't reply, but instead pulled her into his lap, burying his face in her neck. Kate could feel his warm breath washing over her skin as he took several unsteady breaths. Wrapping her arms around him she waited for him to speak. In her mind she went over what could have happened that would upset her husband so much. She had heard the crop duster up in the air earlier, so Rafe was okay. Evelyn had driven past not an hour ago. All the kids were home and getting ready for dinner. That left. Her heart sank at the thought.  
  
"Did. Did something happen to Danny?" she finally asked when it appeared that he couldn't speak.  
  
Taking a deep shuddering breath, Danny did his best to collect himself. "He's fine. physically."  
  
"Physically?" Kate questioned softly, her mind racing.  
  
"He. He. Oh God Kate," Danny finally looked up at her, a lone tear falling down his cheek. "He knows. He found out. And he's so angry and. hurt. He's never looked at me that way before, like he doesn't even want to be near me. And I don't know what to do or say. And Rafe is being an ass. I." he faltered, pulling her close once again.  
  
Kate was a stunned. Just this week she and Danny had been talking about the need for them to tell the boy the truth. They understood why Rafe and Evelyn were dragging their feet, but they were fast coming to a point where he might not be as understanding of the sudden revelation of his parentage. Kate had felt strongly that he had to be told before he figured it out for himself - he was looking more and more like his father everyday. The boy was not an idiot. He had the right to hear it from the people he loved and trusted. And now it looked like it was too late.  
  
"How? How did he." she began to ask, but then the answer came to her. "Grace," she whispered. "She's been writing that paper."  
  
Danny laughed, though there wasn't much humor in it. "She's a mighty clever girl, our Grace. She wasn't writing a paper." He looked up at Kate and gave her a squeeze, knowing that Kate would be upset. "She meant well, Kate, and I've already had a talk with her. She feels bad enough."  
  
Kate looked down wryly at her husband, running an affectionate hand through his hair. "I'm sure you talked to her, but I don't know what good it did. She's had you wrapped around her little finger since she was six months old. That girl needs to learn not to interfere in other people's lives."  
  
"Kate," Danny said soothingly, giving her another squeeze. "Believe me, she's sorry. She was only trying to help Danny. Seems they ran into the old county librarian a few weeks ago and she said some things that got them to thinking. Danny refused to talk about it and Grace took the initiative to investigate for him - to give him some peace of mind. She was just doing what she thought was best for a friend."  
  
Kate let out an aggrieved sigh. "I'll deal with her later. How are you doing?"  
  
"I feel like I've been gut kicked," he admitted after a moment, once again laying his head against her shoulder. He closed his eyes and relaxed as Kate began to rub his neck, playing with the short hairs of his nape. "I knew something was wrong the moment he walked into the barn. He was so. stiff. And Grace was looking between the two of us like we might explode or something. And then he just asked - 'Are you my father?' I couldn't lie to him, or stall. So I told him yes. What else could I say?"  
  
"Nothing," Kate agreed, her heart breaking for her husband and Danny.  
  
"He wanted answers right away," Danny continued, his voice slightly muffled. "I tried to suggest that we wait for Rafe and Evelyn, but he wouldn't hear of it, so I told him. I explained as best I could and now Rafe's all up in arms about it. He's mad at me; mad at Danny; mad at the world. And Evelyn. she's just. devastated. When Danny came home to get his sleeping bag - he decided to stay in the clearing for the night - she offered to talk to him, to answer any questions he might have, but he refused. Said he wanted more time to think. I think. I think," Danny swallowed nervously. "I think he overheard Rafe and I arguing. I think he was listening on the porch. He gave Rafe this look of such. bitterness. Rafe saw it. I saw it. Danny and Rafe are already at odds and now this. What are we going to do?"  
  
Kate kissed his forehead. "We are going to sit down and have dinner with the kids," she told him matter-of-factly. "We won't mention any of this for now. We can talk to Sam and Josh tonight. Drew and Matty can wait until later. Then I'm going to take some dinner over to Rafe and Evelyn, to see how they are fairing, I don't really expect that they will be hungry. Then maybe I'll take Danny something, unless Evelyn wants to. He may be upset, but he's still a teenage boy. He'll need some food."  
  
"Fine," Danny nodded, "but I told Grace she could take him something. as long as she didn't stay too long."  
  
Kate's mouth thinned. "Grace can sit and think about what she's done for awhile." She held up her hand when Danny looked to protest. "Besides," she added wryly, "I'm sure she'll sneak out and go see him tonight."  
  
Danny smiled at her, his eyes finally showing some sign of life. "What would I do without you?"  
  
"Let's hope you never have to find out," she replied. Leaning in they kissed softly before Kate stood up. "Let's go love, dinner's waiting."  
  
"Yes ma'am." 


	12. Chapter 12 finally

******* Uh, hi? Remember me? A long time ago, on a continent far, far away I started writing this little fic called Smiling Back. Yeah, that was me. Well, as many of you have so kindly reminded me, I haven't updated in. months. What can I say? I'm really, really sorry.  
  
I have plenty of excuses. I got hooked on Harry Potter, I started rewriting SB adding more of Rafe and Evelyn because so many of you were upset that I was making Rafe act like a bastard so I wanted to explain his story a bit more, and my husband and I launched a website (shameless plug - www.cluesearchpuzzles.com ) and I am in charge of content.  
  
I have probably one more chapter written for ToI, and outlines for another two at least. I just need the time to write and since it's summer and my kids are home.   
  
Oh, I forgot my best excuse - I've been researching how to turn SB into an original fic based in the European theater. Danny and Rafe would still be flyers, but probably of bombers. Evelyn would be a WAC and Kate would be an American married to a Frenchman (still a bad guy) and she would be working with the Resistance. Once again, I have ideas, I just need time.  
  
I promise I will try harder to get chapters out. Thanks to everyone who took the time to nudge me - you know who you are. ( I really appreciate it.  
  
******  
  
Time of Innocence Chapter 12 By RogueAngel (Who doesn't own a darn thing, so don't sue)  
  
Grace watched her mother walk across the field with a small basket of leftovers and sighed. She had hoped that she would be allowed to do the chore. at least to take some food out to the clearing for Danny, but her mother had been adamant. She wasn't to leave her room. Grace could tell by the look in her mother's eyes that she was in trouble. Big trouble. Not that she expected anything less.  
  
She pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly, trying to fight back the tears that wanted to fall. She hurt so badly, for some many reason - for some many people. She had taken the possibility of Danny's parentage seriously, but her investigation had been a lark. Looking back she realized that she should have talked to her father about it.mentioned what the old woman had said, then he could have talked to Danny. Instead she had just stirred up a big nest of trouble. Her mom and dad hadn't said much, but Grace had gotten the impression that things weren't right with Uncle Rafe and Aunt Evelyn and she knew it was all her fault.  
  
"What's going on?" a soft voice asked from her doorway, startling her.  
  
Seeing that it was Josh, Grace bit back her usual retort. Normally she didn't like her brothers coming into her room. Sam only annoyed her and Drew and Matty always managed to break something, but Josh was different. She could talk to him. He'd listen to anything, his eyes seeming wiser than their years.  
  
"What makes you think something's going on?" Grace bluffed feebly.  
  
Josh simply raised an eyebrow and sat down on her bed, waiting for her to tell him the truth. He was always patient like that, taking after their father in more than just looks.  
  
Grace sighed and rested her head against her knees. "I found out something. something shocking. And instead of. talking to Dad about it I. well. I made a mess of it. And now Dad's upset. Mom's mad. Danny is." she swallowed convulsively. "And Aunt Ev and Uncle Rafe." She wiped her now teary face on her shoulder, "they're all. hurt."  
  
"What did you find out?" Josh asked quietly, his head cocked slightly as he watched her, his concern evident.  
  
"Danny's not. he's not," she faltered. "He's not Uncle Rafe's son. he's dad's," she managed to choke out."  
  
Josh's eyes widened in surprise. "Really? Are you sure?"  
  
Grace laughed humorlessly. "Oh, I'm sure alright."  
  
"How'd you find out?"  
  
"Some old lady cornered him at Tildy's and she made some comments. Danny didn't want to talk about it, he was already upset about not being able to fly, so I."  
  
"So you pretended to write a paper on family history," Josh finished for her.  
  
"Yeah," she agreed.  
  
"Wow," Josh said, shaking his head in amazement. "Danny's our brother. Our half brother. I guess it makes sense, he."  
  
"What makes sense, oh wise one?" Sam drawled from where he was lounging negligently in the door way, a smirk on his face.  
  
Grace immediately launched herself off her window seat moving to shut her door. "Go away Sam. I wasn't talking to you."  
  
Ignoring her words, Sam slipped past her and sat down on the bed, leaning against the headboard and bending one knee in a relaxed manner.  
  
"Get your dirty shoe off my comforter!"  
  
Sam didn't move, but didn't protest when Josh pushed his foot down. "So what's up? What'd you do this time, Grace?"  
  
Narrowing her eyes, Grace stared back down at her brother. "Go away Sam. I don't feel like talking to you. It's none of your business."  
  
"Oh, I think it is," Sam told her, his hazel eyes flashing at her, though he continued to smirk. "I know that mom and dad are upset about something. I want to know what. And how you're involved. They're not mad at you, as far as I can tell. Did I miss some big family secret or something?" He was trying to make her mad and her lack of response seemed to puzzle him. He was usually able to get a rise out of her pretty quickly. After all, he'd made a lifetime's study of it.  
  
There was a long silence in the room. Grace kept her face toward the window, ignoring Sam. Josh looked hesitantly back and forth between his two siblings. Sam stared at Grace, waiting.  
  
"He's going to find out eventually, Grace," Josh finally said, trying, as usual, to keep the peace. Still Grace said nothing.  
  
"Are you pregnant?" Sam said, his eyes wide, leaning forward with an almost gleeful look on his face.  
  
"Samuel Walker! What a horrible thing to suggest. Of course I'm not," Grace yelled, finally turning to face him. "How could you even."  
  
"That got her," Sam laughed, nudging Josh in the arm.  
  
"It's not funny," Josh told him with a frown. "And it's not about Grace, it's about Danny."  
  
"Oh really?" Sam commented after a thoughtful moment. "What's Saint Daniel done to upset everyone?"  
  
"Don't call him that," Grace snarled.  
  
"Why not? He can do no wrong in anyone's eyes," Sam sniped back, brushing his dark blond hair out of his eyes in frustration. The topic of Danny always seemed to make Sam act his nastiest. "Is he still whining about not being able to fly? Still think he's being unfairly punished? Poor little Danny. Did dad get in a fight with Uncle Rafe trying to get him to let up on Danny?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Then what's his problem? Nobody thought it a big deal when I wasn't allowed to fly for a month - and I didn't even almost crash the plane."  
  
"You were flunking math," Grace pointed out through clenched teeth. "Mom and dad didn't let you up again until you improved your grades."  
  
Sam shrugged. "It's been what? Two weeks?"  
  
"Three," Grace corrected.  
  
"Fine, three. It's good for him. He never gets in trouble and when he does dad's always over there smoothing things over with Uncle Rafe."  
  
"That's not true and you know it!"  
  
Sam smirked, shaking his head. "Please. Saint Danny."  
  
"What's going on here?" a deep voice interrupted, startling all three children. Sam actually looked a bit sheepish before his smirking mask fell back into place. "Grace why are you yelling at your brother?"  
  
"He's being a jerk," she pouted, turning back to the window, her face flushed.  
  
"I just want to know what the hell is going on and she won't tell me," Sam huffed, his look belligerent. "I'm a member of this family too, you know. I should be included in whatever is going on. Josh knows. It's not fair that I don't. I'm older."  
  
Danny glanced between his two sons, his eyes questioning Josh, who nodded. "Grace just told me."  
  
"I see," Danny sighed. His shoulders seeming to droop as he entered the room and shut the door. Grabbing the chair from Grace's desk he pulled it out and sat down. "First off, Sam, you need to watch you language. Second, we're not keeping anything from you. Your mother and I were planning on talking to you three tonight, though we'd prefer to wait awhile before we inform Drew and Matty, okay?" He watched all three of them nod.  
  
"So what's Danny done?" Sam asked, when it seemed that his father wasn't going to say anything. Josh looked serious, which was normal for him, but he was watching their father intently. Grace looked like she was about to cry.  
  
"Danny hasn't done anything," his father said. "In fact, he's just had quite a bit of a shock and I would like you all to," he took a painful breath, "to give him some space. He's a bit upset and."  
  
"So it is about the plane," Sam interrupted, rolling his eyes. "Figures."  
  
"No, it's not about the plane," Danny told his son, his voice a bit harsher than they were used to hearing. "Danny just found out that Rafe isn't really his. father."  
  
At the mention of his uncle's name, Sam had perked up. He absolutely adored his uncle and since he was a young boy could often be found following him around the farm. For a long moment he was speechless. "Then who is?"  
  
Danny glanced Josh and then looked Sam in the eye, his gaze intense and pained. "I am," he told them softly, his words seeming to reverberate in the quite room.  
  
End of Chapter 12 - sorry it's so short. ( 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 - finally. By RogueAngel  
  
Author's note: This is the last full chapter I have written out. Everything else is in outline form and brief sketches. Sorry. FYI, I have started a yahoo group. I've put all my Harry Potter and Pearl Harbor stories on it, along with some misc. thoughts and character sketches I've made for Smiling Back. I'll be posting new chapters there first, from now on. I'm also in the process of uploading what I call, Smiling Back Revisited. It's my rewrite of the whole series adding more details, character insight and a bit of a Rafe/Evelyn storyline. If you join up you'll receive an email when ever I update.  
  
Chapter 13  
  
Kate paused for a long moment as she stood outside the McCawley house, not quite ready to face anyone. She had thought over a multitude of things that she might say when she arrived; words of comfort, of friendship, of hope, of anger, of censure, and yet she still had no idea what she should say. The situation with Danny had been brewing for so long, everything that could have been said had already been said years ago, and in the interim - silence.  
  
How could you work through something that was so shrouded in silence? She and Danny had talked about it like clockwork every summer as young Danny's birthday drew near, but Rafe and Evelyn remained silent, and neither Kate nor Danny had wished to stir things up in the already tense household.  
  
It all had started with the best of intentions, as most things usually did. "We'll wait until we're finally settled back at the farm," became, "We'll wait until he is old enough to understand," and then nothing. Two weeks before Danny turned eleven it had finally been confirmed that Rafe could not father children. He and Evelyn had been devastated, but Rafe even more so. He had spiraled into a dark depression that was still with him almost five years later.  
  
Seeing their pain, she and Danny hadn't been able to bring themselves to hurt their friends further by telling them it was time to tell young Danny the truth of his parentage. They couldn't take their only child away from them, even figuratively, when their other hopes had just been dashed. So the years passed. Kate noticed Evelyn sinking even further into denial and Rafe becoming even more stoic.  
  
Now it was too late. Danny knew now. He was hurt and angry and everyone was at a loss to explain what had made so much sense all those years ago.  
  
Physically trying to shake her doubts and insecurities away along with a fleeting desire to say, "I told you so," Kate knocked on the porch screen door. There was no point in dwelling on things. Now was a time for action. Unfortunately she seemed to be the only one to think so because there was no sound from within the darkened house.  
  
Opening the door, Kate stepped inside letting her eyes adjust to the dim lighting. Apparently someone had closed all the curtains. "Evelyn?" she called.  
  
No answer.  
  
She set the leftovers on the kitchen table and walked into the living room heading towards the stairs and the master bedroom, but a small sound brought her attention to the couch. Evelyn was still there where Danny had placed her, her face pale and her eyes red rimmed, but dry, as she stared back at Kate.  
  
"Oh Ev," Kate murmured, her heart wrenching at the desolate look on her friend's face. "Where's Rafe?" she asked softly as she pulled the rocker over to the couch, taking Evelyn's cold hand in hers.  
  
With obvious effort, Evelyn sat up, the blanket pooling around her waist. "I don't know," she admitted tonelessly. "I heard the truck drive off awhile back. I don't know where he went or. or when he's coming back," her voice breaking on the last word.  
  
"Ev," Kate moved to sit next to her, pulling her into a comforting embrace. "Oh Ev. It's going to be okay. It really is. You'll see. It will be okay."  
  
Evelyn said nothing at Kate's soft words. She simply sat there, her breathing heavy as the tears began to flow down her cheeks once more, her body too overwrought to sob anymore.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Kate finally asked as her breathing slowed to a more normal pace. "How's your head?"  
  
"Fine. I'm fine," Evelyn replied bitterly, sitting up and wiping away her tears with a corner of the blanket. "Why wouldn't I be fine? My son just found out what a fraud his mother is. How I betrayed the only two men I have ever loved. How I lied to him his whole life. And," her voice become shaky again, "how I never wanted him to find out." She took several deep breaths, trying to get control of her emotions once more.  
  
"He had the right to know and I kept it from him for selfish reasons." She wrapped her arms around her middle defensively, rocking slowly back and forth. "What must he think of me? I wanted him to be Rafe's son. I wanted to pretend that. that. that night with Danny never happened. How will my son, conceived that night, feel about that?" she looked desperately at Kate. "Will he think he's a mistake? That I didn't want him? That I wish he. that I wish he was more like Rafe than like his real father? That I see him lacking because he isn't Rafe's son like we've pretended all along?"  
  
"Evelyn stop!" Kate interrupted as Evelyn became more and more upset and her ideas became wilder. "Danny knows that you love him, as himself. As his own person. The rest can be explained. He won't think anything less of you. He loves you. That won't change, I promise."  
  
Evelyn shook her head. "You don't understand, Kate," she protested. "I have only loved two men in my life. Rafe and Danny. I betrayed Rafe when I slept with Danny. And I betrayed Danny when I didn't tell him that I was pregnant."  
  
"But you thought Rafe was dead," Kate interjected, not liking to see her friend castigate herself. Obviously her time alone had let her worry too much.  
  
"It doesn't matter," she protested, "because I was still in love with him. I used Danny. I knew he felt more than I did, but I let it continue. I played along because I was selfish. I did come to love Danny, but not. not enough," Evelyn whispered guiltily.  
  
"When Rafe came back I was so torn. Seeing him there alive - it was suddenly like being alive myself. Danny kept me going. He made me smile and laugh. He made me care again. But seeing Rafe made me feel alive. Can you understand that?" she questioned, her eyes beseeching Kate.  
  
Kate could only nod in response. She desperately wanted to stop Evelyn from saying any more, but she recognized that her friend had to get this out. She had a feeling that these thoughts had been slowly tearing Evelyn apart over the years.  
  
Evelyn stared off unseeingly. "I had just realized I was pregnant the night Rafe came back. I was pregnant with Danny's child and yet I wanted to run after Rafe and beg him to forgive. He figured everything out right away. As soon as he saw Danny at the hospital he knew about us.  
  
"During the attack, with all the confusion and stress and bombs dropping I thought. I actually thought that if something caused me to. to miscarry," her whole body shuddered at the thought now, "it would be a good thing." More tears began to stream down her face as she closed her eyes in pain. "I as good as wished my child dead so that Rafe." she trailed off, her voice breaking.  
  
"And afterward, Danny was so. caring. He didn't pressure me, but he was there to give me support when it got so hard. in the hospital. all those men dying. Danny worried about me and I had wished his child dead!" she sobbed.  
  
"You did no such thing," Kate interjected harshly, grabbing Evelyn's hand. "You were scared and confused and in the middle of a horrific attack. Thoughts of death and injury are natural - you're a nurse, you know that. You didn't really wish to miscarry. I know you, Evelyn. You didn't. Not really."  
  
Evelyn sighed wearily and sat back, her head resting against the back of the couch as she stare hopelessly at the ceiling. "Maybe not really, but the thought did cross my mind. What kind of woman am I? What kind of mother? To even think it. it's terrible."  
  
"It's normal," Kate told her vehemently. "You were in an unusual situation, but you still cared for Danny, if only as a friend. You would never have wished your child dead. No matter who the father was, you would never have wished your child dead."  
  
Something in Kate's tone made Evelyn look at her curiously. She was obviously taken aback by the vehemence behind Kate's words.  
  
Drawing a shaky breath, Kate turned to face Evelyn. "We've never really talked about Michael, have we?" Evelyn shook her head, her eyes wide, her tears finally slowing. "I married him when I was barely 18 years old," Kate told her, her tone oddly flat. "Grace was born when I was twenty-one. In the three yeas between I had three miscarriages." At this new information Evelyn gasped.  
  
"All of them were caused by Michael. He was. not nice," she smiled humorlessly. "He was an alcoholic and abusive. He'd hit me, kick me, once he pushed me down the stairs. I hated him, but I was powerless and alone in a foreign country where wives were considered little better than property. But as much as I hated Michael, I loved my babies. I feared for them, and it did cross my mind that it might be better if they weren't born, but I still loved them and wanted them. Do you think I love Grace any less because her father is Michael? Do you think I don't wish that she is Danny's biological child sometimes?" Kate looked hard at Evelyn and Evelyn finally shook her head. Of course Kate didn't love Grace less because of her father.  
  
"You see, none of that matters," Kate continued, "because Danny is her father in every way that counts. You were in a tough situation, but I know you, you never really wanted to miscarry. You loved your child, no matter who the father was, too much, even in all the confusion and upheaval."  
  
Evelyn stared at her friend in shock, her thoughts no longer on her own troubles, if only for a moment. "I never knew. I never would have guessed. How.?"  
  
"Of course you didn't know. I haven't told anyone except Danny," Kate told her. "At first I didn't want anyone's pity and then. I just wanted to forget. You don't think that I haven't wished. that I don't pretend that Grace is actually Danny's child and not Michael's just as you pretend Danny is Rafe's son? That sometimes I look at her and I see something of Michael - a gesture, a movement, and it shocks me because I have convince myself that he never even existed?"  
  
"But you hated Michael," Evelyn protested. "I cared for Danny. He was the best friend I had ever had. And I betrayed him. I never told him he was going to be a father - I told Rafe. And even when I told Danny that I would wait for him, a part of me was thinking of Rafe." Both woman sat there silently for a moment. Kate unsure of what to say to ease her friend's guilt. None of this was going to help Danny, but it seemed that Evelyn had to work through her own thoughts and feelings before she could help her son.  
  
"During the raid," Evelyn began softly, "I prayed for their safety. Both of them. But when Rafe stepped out of that plane months later I didn't even think of Danny. Not once. Not until I noticed the look in Rafe's eyes. Not until I saw his pain.  
  
"I missed Danny. I mourned him, but a part of me was relieved that I didn't have to give up Rafe. Until you turned up I had felt so guilty. Like it was my fault Danny died. Like God looked into my heart and saw that I wanted Rafe more, so Danny had to die. If I had told him about being pregnant. If I had loved him more." her voice broke once again and no more words came, even though she tried several times.  
  
"Evelyn, you are being silly," Kate told her. "You are only a woman. You don't have the power of life and death. You felt guilty that Danny died. How would you have felt if he had come home? If he had married you and yet you were never able to truly love him, your love for Rafe would have always been between the two of you?" Evelyn actually looked stunned at Kate's words, and Kate decided to push her advantage, hoping to get through to Evelyn somehow.  
  
"You and Danny loved each other, but it wasn't the kind of love that could sustain a marriage. You know that. You would have had a good marriage. An amicable one. Maybe you'd even have had a couple more children, but Rafe would have always been between you. What if Rafe had married someone else? How would you have felt? Or if your marriage to Danny had effectively ended their friendship? How would you have felt? Can you imagine your life without Rafe in it? Or Rafe's life without Danny? You know what it's like to really love someone heart and soul. Could you honestly live a life only half way? Would that have been fair to you? To Danny? To Rafe?  
  
"Maybe God planned it this way. Maybe He knew that Rafe wouldn't be able to have children, so He gave you a son. A son from the one man that Rafe's loves more than life itself. The one man that is closer than a brother to him. Maybe God knew that Grace and I would need rescuing so he sent Danny to us. Maybe He had everything planned for us and all we have to do is follow our hearts," Kate challenged, her cheeks flushed with the forcefulness behind her words. She desperately wanted Evelyn to see that life had many paths and there was no sense in trying to figure out the 'what ifs' and 'could haves.'  
  
"I didn't think you were a religious type," Evelyn finally said, her brow furrowed as she pondered Kate's words. She was no longer crying and Kate took this as a good sign.  
  
"I'm not," Kate told her with a smile, her shoulders releasing their pent up tension. "I can't stand the holier-than-thou attitudes of most of the religious types in this town who hide their bigotry and snobbery behind God and their church. But that doesn't mean I don't believe in God and that he has a plan for us all. I just don't believe in their God." She paused and smiled gently at her friend, grasping her hand. "Do you see what I'm saying though? Everything turned out the way it was meant to."  
  
"I guess," Evelyn agreed hesitantly. "But we still should have told."  
  
"Hush," Kate cut her off. "That is enough 'should haves.' What's done is done. Give Danny time. He's a good kid. Once the shock has worn off everything will be fine. You can talk to him. It will be okay. Now," she said, standing up and crossing the room. "I'm brought food over. Are you hungry?" Evelyn shook her head. "I didn't really think you would be, but I want you to drink this," handing her friend two fingers of whiskey. "No complaining. Then I'm going to make sure you get to bed. Lying here on the couch won't do you any good. You need a decent night's sleep. Tomorrow you can talk to Danny."  
  
"Danny!" Evelyn started, "He."  
  
"Drink first," Kate interrupted. "Then sleep. Don't worry about Danny, he'll be fine. It's not the first time he's slept at the clearing." She watched as Evelyn quickly downed the whiskey and shuddered lightly. "Now upstairs with you."  
  
Upstairs Kate quickly found Evelyn's nightgown. Sending her friend to the bathroom to get ready, Kate turned down the bed and closed the drapes. Five minutes later Evelyn slipped under the covers, her face pale and exhausted.  
  
Before Kate could leave, Evelyn reached out a hand. "Could you. Could you take some food out to Danny? He didn't want anything earlier, but I'm sure he's hungry by now."  
  
"Of course I will," Kate replied, squeezing Evelyn's hand. "Of course. Now you get some sleep. Things will be better in the morning."  
  
Evelyn nodded, her eyes already drooping.  
  
"Good night, Ev," Kate whispered, turning off the light.  
  
"Kate?" Evelyn called just before the door closed. "Tell him. Tell him I love him. And when he's ready."  
  
"I will," Kate reassured her. "Good night." 


End file.
